Potato chips

Potato chips are made from slices of potatoes which are fried in oil or lard. Some makers of potato chips include Utz, Lays, and Wise. There are rules for proper potato chip flavors, such as Guinness, Gin and Tonic, and Salt and Vinegar chips. Potato chips are perfect snack food for television watching. Potato chips are called crisps in Britain.

So I got hooked on these kettle cooked potatoe chips. Yeah, screw you; Dan Quayle was right! It is spelled potatoe, at least in this writeup, by God.

Anyway, they're much better than the stuff Lay's and Guy's and Tom's and whoever else makes. And this grocery store I go into a lot had a little display of kettle cooked chips. (Yeah, I could go to the hippie grocery store and get 'em, but they charge twice as much. Here's why, if you'd care to find out.)

So, the last time I go into this huge grocery store, there are no kettle chips. An aisle as long as a football field full of patatoe chips. And no kettle chips. I find the manager. (I always love it when I get pissed off enough about something to "find the manager." Especially when it's a big place, so you can watch all the peons scurrying around, whispering fervently to each other, "This guy wants to see THE MANAGER!.")

Well, he's all apologizing for not having what I want. So I say, "Here, walk with me for a minute." We walk over to the chip aisle, which appears to go on forever. I say, "That's a lot of chips, ain't it?" He agrees.

"You know what all those chips have in common?"

"What?"

"Every fucking thing! There's no difference in any of them!"

So, I got it off my chest. But I really should have just walked away. Have you ever read about what sorts of wars go on for space on these supermarket shelves? It would make the Mafia blush.

While fried potatoes were quite common in Europe and America during the early 19th century, no one had seen potato chips until Cornelius Vanderbilt^* visited Moon's Lake House in Saratoga Springs, NY. He complained that his fried potatoes were too thick, and sent them back. The cook, George Crum^*, indignantly sliced the potatoes as thin as he could, salted them, and fried them again. Vanderbilt, instead of taking offense, was delighted.

The owner of the restaurant immediately placed the item on the menu. Crum soon opened his own restaurant, featuring his creation and calling them Saratoga Chips. The popularity of these chips grew so rapidly that soon restaurants across the country were serving them. Once it became more than a Saratoga thing, the name was changed to potato chips.