Of course it's too late
, I always think of
these things when it's too late, but I am
going to say it now so you can hear it once, from
me, hear the way I choose to present it and decide
for yourself, hear what I have to say now that there's
only forward movement
. You need to listen now, carefully.
You were never going to become more than this to me,
never anything more than anyone else. This is the the
biggest lie I have ever told myself, although not
the first, and not the first time I told it. In this
(only) you are not unique. I know myself, I like
to pretend I know myself, and this is my favorite lie.
You will not mean anything to me in the end.
This I remembered to tell you, it is okay, it is a lie. We agree on this point, it is okay. But I forgot to tell you the rest: Before that end, you will be the person I call home.
I am the type of person who only has one home at a time,
and this is how you will mean nothing to me, here, this is the lie. You may know this but I have to say it, need to tell you for myself, because I lie a lot and when I say I'll be okay, I think I mean that I'll be okay because I will have to
In the end, you will mean just this much to me,
more than you were supposed to, and I will linger. Push
me away. I will probably get mad at you), but still: I save my rage for people who mean something. I will
not tell you, (not if I can help it), you
will not know that it hurts me. Instead I will smile and
thank you for the reminder. In the end you will mean
enough to me that you will be another person I need
to lie to.