What Would Jackie Chan Do?

by Simon Adkins

It's so hard to find role models in this day and age. It's important to have good role models to offer guidance for today's young people to help us make the right choices. That's why I wear a WWJCD bracelet. Whenever I am faced with a dilemma, I look at the bracelet and see the WWJCD and ask myself "What would Jackie Chan do?"

When I saw kids picking on or teasing a smaller kid, I asked myself, "What would Jackie Chan do?" Jackie Chan would help the little kid, of course. And he'd try to teach the others not to torment people. But, when they ganged up on me, I used the smaller kid's bookbag and lunchpail like they were a pair of nunchucks! JC is a happy-go-lucky guy who even has friends with potty-mouths like Chris Rock in "Rush 24 Hours". He is always helpful to his friends and only fights when he has to fight. Plus, Jackie Chan doesn't drink much, because the Drunken Style Boxing is too dangerous.

So, whenever I'm at a party or a rave or in the mall, I'll always glance at my WWJCD bracelet and look around for ladders, brooms, tables and chairs and ask myself, "What would Jackie Chan do?"

DUE TO THE VIOLENT NATURE OF JACKIE CHAN,
THIS BURGER KING LOCATION WILL NOT BE PARTICIPATING
IN THE JACKIE CHAN KID’S MEAL PROMOTION.

Stuart Ray, Lord of 42 West Michigan Burger King restaurants, decided not to distribute plastic representations of the martial arts film star Jackie Chan despite the corporate decision to promote his new Saturday morning cartoon. This is the first of such promotions Stuart Ray has decided to refuse in his 12 years of flame broiled monarchy. He is reported to have said the toy sends a violent message, and to date has not received any complaints by not offering the toy.

Jackie Chan is a man who exhibits superb discipline in mastering a physically demanding ancient art, and who is as a result, a remarkable athlete, and who answers the threat of violence with his fists, feet and whatever happens to be lying around. More often than not he is portrayed as a happy go lucky bystander, or law enforcement officer who is thrown into a situation that demands action.

I have a hard time seeing how in this day and age, when children are taking guns to school and phoning in bomb threats to avoid tests, how a fine example of human potential and compassionate force is sending a violent message to kids. This says to me that Stuart Ray feels Burger King’s interests are better served by a West Michigan full of fat, lazy children who shoot and bomb one another.

(Burger King is dedicated to the safety of your children. We have found that activity leads to injury, and our tireless efforts to inhibit their ability and desire to move is our way of saying thank you for your trust and patronage).

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