Two Gentlemen on Veronica
Mahogany Row. Enter Helmut and Veronica.
Unseen (and presumably dapper) Announcer:
iToyz's breathtaking office space remains
A bright and gleaming spot amidst the tarnish
Which dulls the luster of Probostickus' dream.
Behind the main reception, o'er the common ruck
Of open concept space and cubicle hell
A grand open gallery reaches for space
Above a babbling fountain, ten feet tall
A stained glass skylight illuminates it all.
Though coders mutter 'neath multi-hued glare
The building won design awards, which at reception
Respose encased in glass, and silently rebuke
Those snivelling drones who speak of practicality.
O'erlooking this grand gallery we find
Three other partial floors, Mahogany Row.
Lofty office suites perch on these floors,
Each fronted by a marble hallway wide
And spotless, bounded by glass and rail
From which the iToyz brain trust oversaw
The labors of their army of young drones.
It is into this august space that we find
Mr. Otis' clever moving box
Recently disgorged the star-cross'd couple.
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Helmut
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And this fine office housed our CFO.
He pulled the ripcord sev'ral months ago.
On golden 'chute he left us with a smile,
Like castaways upon a desert isle.
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Veronica
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His exit mayhaps grand - the landing flat.
His rendezvous with ground more of a splat.
His resume was tarred indelibly
By his stint here. I'd not be shocked to see
Him soon attired in matching smock and hat
Enquiring sweetly "D'you want fries with that?"
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Helmut
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Yet not without its bright side was this turn,
I profitted immensely as you'll learn.
No, not like that! No money games for me.
Instead I got myself a master key!
To this fine floor and all the perks within,
Here to pursue love. To some a sin,
Yet each of us with talents have been blest,
Mine, why, to stir lust within loin and breast.
A shame to deny womankind my skills!
Not for naught am I called "King of thrills!"
As you may learn, Veronica, my sweet!
I'll pleasure you right here, midst the elite.
The walls are soundproof, doors of frosted glass.
Now let me start by fondling that ass!
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Veronica
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Not so fast, dear Helmut! Take a breath!
Or face my black belt Tae-Bo kick of death!
You interest me strangely, I'll admit
You're not a support system for a zit
Like your pal Nerdquo. Yet no man splits my thighs
While reeking of cheese doodles. No surprise!
Can you truly be a cocksman bold
And infamous? I am not yet sold.
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Helmut
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Do you see these pushpins in the wall?
Beside these names? Well, I've done them all.
And all left smiling, sated and carefree!
I never fail to satisfy, not me.
Aside, to audience.
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Except my wife. I'm afraid that Honey
Gets joy from Mr. Energizer Bunny!
To Veronica.
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Enough of that! I'll prove myself with deeds!
Come tell your Daddy just what Baby needs!
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Veronica
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Don't pull that kidstuff on me, Helmut dear.
I care not for your other conquests here!
I spin, do step, Tae-Bo. I'm not some piece of fluff
Or trophy for your wall. And yet you'll get your chance
To prove your skill. Wait! Don't remove your pants!
Your physique's admirable I'm sure, but yet
Eau de Cheese Doodle doesn't make me wet.
Take thyself to the shower. Brush and floss.
Eliminate the faintest signs of dross.
I'll tarry here, there's work for me to do
While you make ready. Later on, we'll screw.
I'm no slouch myself, Helmy, and we'll see
Just who comes out on top. Now, out with thee!
exuent Helmut.
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Veronica
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He's a thin reed on which to rest my plan.
Thin, and short as well, lest I misjudge my man.
And yet a scapegoat, yea, a fatted calf
To frame for my next crime. Cue the evil laugh!
I'll gut the boys like sacrificial lambs
I'm Ursula the Witch, with better gams:
"Those Poor Unfortunate Souls! So sad! So lame!
This one wants to get some poontang
That one lusts for IPO
And I'll gut them! Both the same!"
First tawdry Helmut's fire I'll have to quench
He thinks I'm nothing but a comely wench
O'ercome by his crude blandishments. Poor lads.
For once I have dear Helmy by the 'nads
They'll fall, each doomed as sure as dominos
Falling in line. Then next stop, Mexico!
Enter Probostickus.
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Probostickus
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The password for the fiscal database
Is "Clintonsucks". Just as it sounds. No space.
It's all in Seibel. That's just geek to me.
My diploma's in philosophy.
Nonetheless, I know we're still on plan.
I'm sure you'll find we're doing all we can.
Veronica types.
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Probosticus
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Veronica, the market's been unkind.
We just need time! I'm sure that's what you'll find.
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Veronica
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Sure, corpulent one. Cease to fear.
I've seen a few worse ledgers this past year.
It's a titsup dot com world, but don't fret.
I've not thrown in the towel on you, not yet.
When last did someone check these books I see
To ensure compliance with GAAP?
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Probostickus
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The last audit occured back in July,
We came out good, 'cause we bought off the guy.
We got him one of those palmtop computers
And to seal the deal, gave him two xootrs.
I don't suppose there's anything you'll need?
Just between us, discretion guaranteed?
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Veronica
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Probostickus, you flatter me, but no.
I'll be working late. Why don't you go?
We'll touch base in the morning, say at nine.
I'll be here after spinning, if that's fine?
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Probostickus
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Spinning eh? You seem so young to be
Of such an ancient craft a devotee.
Huzzah for you! If you're skilled as I'm told,
Our fiscal straw you'll soon spin into gold!
Exuent Probostickus.
Veronica types.
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Veronica
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Unknown to Probostickus there has been
A cash infusion from my company
To this one's coffers, within the last week.
Meantimes, whilst I turn the other cheek
To Helmut, I'll arrange the database
To move the cash unto another place.
In Switzerland, perhaps, safe with the gnomes
A happy spot for dollars to find homes
Safe from prying inquiries, and eyes
Of staid accountants, whom I hope surmise
That management has blown their entire roll
On fancy cars or ads at Super Bowl.
Probostickus could gainsay that, or worse
Unless his next new car should be a hearse.
Indeed, methinks that needs to come to pass.
I'll have to get the boys to cap his ass.
The bell must toll for him, he'll quit the scene.
And I'll retire, anon, with all the green.
Enter Helmut.
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Helmut
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Veronica, I've scrubbed and brushed and flossed
And just to prime the pump, have quickly tossed.
But my refraction rate is awfully slight
By the time you're ready I'll be right
as rain, and ready to indulge with you in sin.
Are you ready, Nurse? The Doctor's in!
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Veronica
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Helmut dear, your little games are trite.
If I am to lie with you this night,
Then cease your prattle. Listen up instead.
Try to hold this thought within your head.
I'll give you what you want, but then you'll owe
A favor in return. Is that not so?
Then good. Bring down the lights dear, and we will see
who'll see our merger most profitably!
Lights fade out
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