DAAS, Live at the National Theatre 1991

The lights dim. He fixes his gaze on a hapless audience member, sensously fondling the mic stand as he sways to the front of the stage and huskily breathes out the first few lyrics. His costars writhe and pant in the background...

You've been flirting like crazy since I walked in through the door
You were so damned obvious I almost licked the floor

Transfixed silence, as Paul rhythmically pumps his mic stand with his trademark "Come fuck me" look.
' s.... slow down you're hurting me'
Did Rich say that out loud??? These boys don't do seduction. Time to get loud and raunchy!

And though you're not attractive, there is still something that appeals

'Helen Keller! Water... water, are you my teacher?'

Like a baby seal with it's head caved in, or eating jellied eels
Please don't turn away now, you know exactly who you are
Is it just that you smell the scent of a minor megastar?
Now's your chance, let's not dance, let's really get it on

And touch me you fool
Come on and touch me you fool, come on lash out
I know you're shy, forget that guy, and touch me

Pelvic thrusts a go-go baby!!

You play fair, you're Mayfair, your hotel's on Park Lane
Your waterworks are wonderful, oh how can I explain?
That to me you're more than cute, you're no Trivial Pursuit
You're the one I'd go to gaol for, the one that I'd post bail for,
I won't pass Go if you say no, give me the chance to play and

Hapless audience member is too easily divested of his jacket. That means the shirt and pants are going too...

Kiss me you fool
Come on and kiss me you fool
You're not stupid, just kiss me stupid, kiss me
Come on and kiss me you fool, come on and kiss me you fool
Come on and kiss me you fool, come on and kiss me you fool

Cold when you're in your underwear, isn't it? Hang on to your jocks mate...
'have we met before?'
Tim, you tease!

For you I'd scale the Ganges, I'd swim the Pyrenees
I'd wade through vats of leeches in the nude just as a tease
I'd open up my heart for you, and various other things
Your eyes are most inviting, moist lips so exciting
Come on let's play, don't run away, I need you so, it's frightening

Feel me you fool
Fulfill me you fool
Oh, it would be bliss, get a grip on this, and feel me!

The stage show descends into a frenzy of sweaty, pumping, gyrating bodies

Come on and feel me, touch me, please me tease me
Pump me, rump me, hump me, jump me,
Root me, poot me, hoot me, scoot me,
Hurt me, squirt me, belch me, felch me, whip me..... ah,

He's his knees now...


bad boy grins and a charming white oral discharge


'hey magic trick time!'
'I'd like to move it right along now with a magic trick!'
Cue fanfare
'Not in that sleeve, not that sleeve either. Nothing in that side, or that side, where could it be? Oh, oooooh!'
'yes sir your jeans, and I've left a special little message on them all my own.'
'yep Paul's written a tiny genetic code right down the left leg for you!
Like he's really going to give them back.. oops, there they go, to the back of the stage
Are there some spare trousers in the venue?'

Don't sit in the front row. Unless you like that sort of thing.

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