On Friday morning I'd gotten all showered up and ready to spend the whole day studying for my MCSE (ick). I'd noticed that Wendy's (a roomate) two foot+ corn snake (named "Snake") was all jumpy and ready to play. I figured I'd take the thing out while I watched TV Funhouse on Tivo. Nothing like pre-study television… So I was watching Fogey and the gang when I noticed Snake had vanished about halfway into the sofa. Dammit... I couldn't just pull her out backwards, so I let it finish disappearing, figuring she'd pop out behind the sofa, come out thru the bottom or something simple. But she disappeared into the couch.

I proceeded to tear the crap out of that couch.... As much crap-tearing as I could anyway, since it is technically the property of an ex-roomate. He would probably have a bird at it's crap-tornedness whenever he decides to pick it up. No luck tho... So I tore the crap out of the whole living room in thoughts it'd gone elsewhere. Two tables, two recliners and another sofa later and still nothing. Crud. Somehow, I was pretty damn sure it was still in the couch though.

Later my other roommate Jason came home. After an order of Domino's and round of Hogan's Heros we set forth to construct what we considered horribly clever snake traps. After looking at some snake traps on the Internet, we began to build our own out of house garbage. In the spirit of Junkyard Wars we made three bigass traps out of cardboard boxes, some fluorescent light screen and duct tape. I bought a dozen mice to load the three (ventilated) Tupperwares that would bait the traps.

The plan was simple, we throw a mouse in a 'tup with some water and carrots, put that in a snake trap and wait. Or at least that’s the best plan I could come up with after talking with the zoo, animal control, and a hunting supplier.

Meanwhile, the house is torn to shreds. We sat on the floor to watch tv, had to pull down then replace a barricade in the stairs whenever ascending them, and were always stumbling over these huge snake traps. I was afraid to put the mess back together since we might further hide or hurt Snake. A weekend passed and no Snake.

The whole time I was on Snake Alert. Baiting the snake traps at night and cleaning them in the morning became a ritual. We reassembled the living room a bit, but I made sure everyone pulled the cushion off the sofa before sitting on it. Checking snake-attracting warm spots like the refrigerator and water heater became second nature.

A day or two later, I didn’t feel like doing much so I was just watching BattleBots. My arm was on the armrest of the couch when I felt something move. I thought I was mistaken, but I explored the armrest and Snake was in it, all curled up. After about a half hour of careful couch dissection, I had Snake out of there and back in the aquarium, safe and sound.

So, if you loose a snake in the house, keep these things in mind:
If it’s comfy where you lost it, it probably won’t move far. While usually fast, reptiles don’t like running around wasting energy.

Snake traps are neat, but they don’t work on something that’s not hungry or thirsty. Snake normally goes for a week plus without eating.

Don’t give up. Reptiles are a lot more patient then you are, and it might be a week or two before the critter even thinks of moving.

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