past lives disclaimer

The flames didn't take my soul, not quite. But they tried. Oh they tried. And where the flames failed, the years after of wandering and searching so so nearly won.

We'd not been together long, that time. two, three years? We were just starting out, establishing our household. I think we were about 24, 26. definitely no older maybe a year or two younger. You worked, for some reason i believe for a courier service, or a law firm. I don't remember that clearly. I was, for once, calm, subdued, even taking the rare role of housewife I usually avoid. No healer this time, nor warrior. No abilities, really then either, fully latent. Nothing "special", merely a person. We weren't rich, we just were. Not dirt poor, just barely comfortable. We weren't rich, or powerful, or high class, or important. We just were, and were quietly. A nice change for once.

we were supposed to have both lived, things were supposed to have gone on and rolled together along the years. but one of those miniscule random (and common) tiny things that just... merely... break. there are thousands of them every day. and people usually don't notice. but we noticed this one, though, because it just happened to happened to hit us.

you were out running errands for your job. i left the house to go to the bakers to buy bread. nothing at all strange. i did this two, three times a week. had for some time. i did this all the time. but this once, it was different.

i had the damn bread, and was walking home, through the alleyways of the city. i think i was just wandering, to look around and enjoy the day and not return home immediately, for you were not there then, there was nothing to go home to that couldn't wait an hour while i lived. i wandered into an alley... i think not looking, gazing at the sky. or maybe i went to investigate something i saw or heard. i don't know. i don't remember it that clearly.

but there was a noise, or something. i turned around. and saw back, at the end of the alley, far away, flames. moving towards me. quickly. and there was no way out save thru the fire. i don't to this day know what caused it. an explosion, maybe, or just some freak fire. i know it wasn't the great chicago fire, although that was my first instinct. it was nothing that large or important or historically sound. it was something small, it touched maybe a dozen people at the most... it's just that i was one of the twelve.

but in one of those painfully lucid moments that so often come when one knows their own mortality and knows they face their own death in that hour... i knew i would die. there was no way out. i was trapped and i knew it. and i knew there was no point to fight. in that terrible lucidity, i found, as many people do as they die, the tiny latent abilities i'd never seen. i tried with all my soul to tell you, will you to feel my words. i tried to say "i'm not coming back. i'm dying. it's not my choice. i'm trapped. i'm sorry. i'm sorry." i tried to say "i ... i am happy you are not here, suffering as well. i am happy you at least will live." i tried to say "i will be back, i will find you again, somehow, someday. i promise i will find you." and i tried to say "i love you. i love you always." and... i think... i think, i pray, you heard me.

i didn't fight the flames, there is no point in fighting death when it is sure. so i merely stood there, saying i loved you, until i could not stand. then i sat until i could not sit. then i collapsed and lay and waited. and then...
and then...
then, i lost you.

my own personal time capsule of lives

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