You know, if you scroll through the TV guide on your screen and join together phrases from the capsule descriptions of successive shows and movies, you get far more interesting-sounding fare:
Now a traveling mercenary, Hercules has his trained ape commit a series of murders in truck stop restrooms in the South.
An actress flirts demurely with a robot in H.G. Wells' time machine.
Kevin and Grant build an amphibious Camero as they fight for justice below the surface of the mythical Bermuda Triangle.
An insane zoologist attempts to drive a doctor over the edge by announcing he has shrews which are the size of a nineteenth-century cavalry officer.
A fiery southern belle struggles to stop traffic.
Frederico Fellini's surrealistic account of a Scotland Yard Inspector who returns from the grave to wreak havoc on New York City.
An Oklahoma oil baron becomes Queen of France.
An out-of-work actor becomes involved with an exorcism.
While the Civil War rages, Sally's mom leads a horde of dragons on Saturn's moons.
A girl grows up and falls in love with proud members of a Chicago family.
A Navy pilot kidnaps an aquatic writer with a teenage girlfriend.
Four people gain unusual powers from the prison commandant's World Cup championship bid.
A former CIA agent is called a simple gardener in his hometown.
A Virginia high school hires an eccentric widow to hunt down the family monster.
In 1960s Oklahoma a sensitive youth is forced to take his estranged daughter across Burma.
A portly lord sends a radio troupe to a gloomy mansion for the atomic revival of two teenage sisters.
A police detective kills a Nazi spy and attempts to perfect a shark repellent.
Catty New York socialites gossip in the Alps with a fight manager's daughter and her Mexican-American boxer.
A Chinese warlord is blamed for brain surgery on a French journalist and an 8-year-old.
Unassuming people expecting a normal taxi ride are drawn into the dangerous world of an international arms dealer.
A British brother and sister rub a magic lamp and meet 12 evil alien children born on a game show.
Unaware that Claire has a personal assistant, an 1880s Midwestern schoolteacher dedicates 50 years of her life to a 500-year-old vampire.
Sophisticated Nick and Nora Charles search hippie drug dens for an Egyptian mummy.
A tentative romance begins between a quirky teenager and an Irish barmaid who plans to try on provocative clothing.
American Tankers help defend a race of intelligent plant life with playing cards.
After an experimental program turns him into Scott of the Antarctic, a teacher forces his girlfriend to become a nun.
Wade meets an intelligent entity called V'ger during a gang war.
A 9-year-old Chinese girl and her sister flew more than two dozen missions over a schizoid Victorian amusement park.
The survivor of several alien attacks mysteriously vanishes as a shadow falls across a town called Christmas.
The Women's Temperance League hunts for the Lau-Lau using visual cues and signals.
A teen and his buddies spy on a thirteen year old, but events take an unappetizing turn when a call girl on trial hands VIP clients to the judge.
Through three turbulent decades, Ebenezer Scrooge faces off against NASCAR driver Ricky Bobby, who blames Kirk for the death of a 100-year-old Southern patriarch.
An astronaut and his sidekick tie the Watergate break-in to three old west outlaws imprisoned in a Nebraska town.
A mad doctor grafts the hands of a murderer on to his manicurist girlfriend at a lion farm in California.
In a nineteenth-century scandal, two song and dance men run into a peanut vendor on a horse ranch.
A millionaire, his niece, and a pilot love a mutual love, a bird girl of nature.
A jealous woman kills people to obtain cadavers and a killer brain.
Victorian poet Robert Browning courts a broken-necked shepherd named Ygor.
The Brontë Sisters and their brother fight a ring of bloodthirsty scavengers.
Scenes trace the history of witchcraft told by a psychic.
A paramedic uses his telepathic powers to avoid lawman Pat Garrett.
With his sidekicks, Snipe and Doc, a saloon singer on the British coast stumbles onto a gangster and falls for her father's dead wife as a playmate.
A high school student suspects that Tarzan, having acclimated to life in skirts and make-up, keeps the family together to protect the soul of a huge white shark.
The Bowery Boys open a detective agency when one of them in disguise takes up with a taxi driver.
Getting over the death of her son, a woman ties the mystery of a severed ear to a legendary religious artifact.