A line on the final track of The Original Motion Picture Score for The Virgin Suicides
, referring to the thirteen year-old Cecile, the first of the sisters to commit suicide
As I was listening to this, I started thinking about what a thirteen year-old has to be depressed about, to be so hopeless that she would kill herself. Thirteen seems so young from the standpoint of a ripe old nineteen...to someone older it must seem like kindergarten. Then I read Suicidal Teens Fucking Piss Me Off which I tend to wholeheartedly (though hypocritically) agree with.
Then I tried to remember the state of mind that I had when I was thirteen. You can never quite capture it completely, but the memory was enough. When I was thirteen I hated every inch of my body so much so that I didn't eat. I would cry almost every night for a myriad of reasons. True, I didn't have what most adults would consider real problems and the ones that I had I imposed upon myself. This I realize now. But at the time, those are the most horrible feelings in the world, amplified by the insecurity and hormonal whirlwind that invariably accompanies this time in someone's life. Since you're so young, people don't take you seriously. Yes, this is adolescent angst, yes, everyone goes through it, but that doesn't make it any easier for me to deal with it! And never having known anything else, it's not always easy to believe it when someone tells you that this too shall pass.