Friend Behr here again very tired and indifferent this morning but some good cheer this afternoon. It is Taco Tuesday here in Hades and we have human meat on ours because that is how we roll. As the sign says over the door to the kitchen, "Embrace Cannibalism" it is the great white hope for us all. Enough said. True indeed. Common sense. Taco Tuesday.
It is hard to maintain one's dignity and sanity here in Hades. I am not ashamed. The headaches are wild when I try to use the laptop. It is interdimension in a very non-scientific way because science has been proven ABSOLUTELY WRONG SO MANY GODDAMN TIMES I HAVE LOST COUNT SO FUCKING ABANDON SCIENCE ALREADY YOU DOGWALKING FREAKS. Do it now, please. For me. A friend.
So, I am thinking about dating again as I have discussed the possibility of non-scientific interdimensional travel with the Fuhrer and he says it can be done. He says he makes frequent trips to advise politicians these days, although he tells me that all military commanders reject every strategy he has proposed to them. They say he has no talent for it which is shameful and wrong. Please do something. But dating is on my mind as springtime comes in the abovegroundworld (where you are) and with me knowing that there are women up there I can corner and convince (maybe) to have lovemaking with me it will be fine. Maybe your sister's number is one you want to give me? If she has a boyfriend or husband who is not a big earner I can take him out. Slowly if you prefer. I have developed a method for slowly expanding a person's Adam's apple at a rate that causes growing discomfort over three months of time before it become extremely painful for the next three months and then explodes, usually on a family member's birthday or baptism (during most likely). This can be utilized if it will help me get sex with the lady. She doesn't even have to be hot. I am in my eighties and recently removed all my internal organs to prove "medical science" wrong and prove the value of my plans to build death camps for ALL doctors regardless of the nature of their practice (except plastic surgeons who do nothing to extend people's worthless lives and be a drain on the GNP).
That was a lot for me to say at all once. I realize this. Thank you, my friend. You are my friend. You believe in me and you support me. Thank you. I love you and your spouse together. One time deal. Call Carl Pritchert at the Pentagon. He will know what to do. Use the code word "Entwined" and you'll get right through.
The Fuhrer, Joan Crawford, Hansel (from Hansel and Gretel book by a late author), and myself are preparing to go through the non-scientific in nature "sender field" that will send us through the portal back to the surface world we call the abovegroundworld. It is a long word. You look dumbfounded. Clean yourself up you drooling idiot.
We are returning to advise our friend President Trump (your favorite president of all times and best at it) on his re-election campaign. We have the skills to help him pull through against the evil undercurrents of liberalism and Benny Saunders brand socialism and the anti-porn agenda some have.
Soon I will be amongst you again.
Leave the light on. You know what I'll do if it isn't on, don't you?
You'll be alone in the morning.