This is an excellent exercise for a philosophy class or a political science class to do. I'm not joking. It demonstrates that if they can, people will pervert any piece of paper they can to their own means. Try it.

Okay, you've got a class full of kids, doesn't really matter what age, most any age group will enjoy this (trust me on this one). Really. Works best with either 1-3rd graders (about age 6 through 9) or 9-12th graders (about ages 14-18, though. Don't ask me why, but from 4th-8th, they have this surly attitude toward teachers that is Very Difficult to break down. Trust me on this too, it wasn't too long ago. So, you've got your kids all sitting in a room, and what do you do? You ask them to write down on a piece of paper (legibly, of course) how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. This sounds awfully stupid, doesn't it? Well, here's the thing about it:

You follow the directions to the letter.

Assume nothing but what they tell you to assume. If they don't tell you to take 2 slices of bread, spread the peanut butter on the loaf of bread, assuming they told you to spread it on. If they say to "put the peanut butter on the bread", then take the jar of peanut butter, and place it on the bread. Same with jelly, anything else they decide to put in there. Believe me this is incredibly amusing. The idea is to see if you can possibly pervert the instructions in any way while still remaining true to the letter of the directions. An example is provided below.

Happy sandwiching!


This assumes you have the following things:

  • A loaf of bread
  • A knife to cut said bread
  • A jar each of peanut butter and jelly
  • A knife to spread these substances
  • A stable surface upon which to place bread, peanut butter, jelly, knives, et cetera
  • A working knowledge of standard English terms such as slice, spread, cut, torque, volatility, et cetera
First, take the bread and the bread knife and cut two slices of bread approximately 1/3 to 1/2 inches thick each. Set one of these aside. Set the other in front of you and remove the lid from the container with the peanut butter in it. Take the knife, place it in the container of peanut butter, and with the knife, remove approximately a tablespoon of peanut butter. the amount is not terribly relevant, as long as it does not fall off the knife. Take the knife with the peanut butter on it and spread it on the slice of bread you have in front of you. Repeat until the bread is reasonably covered on one side with peanut butter. At this point, you should wipe excess peanut butter on the inside rim of the peanut butter jar and set the knife on the counter. Replace the lid on the peanut butter jar and set it aside. Take the jar of jelly and repeat the process for peanut butter. As soon as you have finished this, take the slice of bread that you set aside earlier and place it on the slice with the peanut butter and jelly on it, so that the peanut butter and jelly is reasonably well contained within.

Congratulations, you have just made a peanut butter sandwich.


The illustrious rootbeer277 had this to add: I keep trying to tell people, if you spread the jelly first it wipes off the knife easier and there's no mixing of ingredients between the jars. But nobody listens.

Doesn't sound like all that bad of an idea to me.

Make sure the following items are nearby, in the possession of, and owned by the Maker of the Sandwich (hereby Maker):

  • A container containing at least two slices of bread, cut widthwise along the loaf. (Lengthwise is fine too, if the Maker wishes to create a longer Sandwich.) The bread needs to be at least a half inch thick, and no more than an inch thick. This bread should not be stale, but if stale bread is available, then it is acceptable, though it will hurt the quality of the Sandwich.
  • A container containing at least several tablespoons of jam or jelly, flavored with fruit (e.g. grape jelly, strawberry jam).
  • A container containing at least several tablespoons of peanut butter, crunchy or not.

These food items should not be expired, moldy, damaged, or inedible in any way, as per standards set by the United States Food and Drug Administration.

In addition, non-consumable items also need to be nearby, in the possession of, and with permission for use for the Maker (ownership of these non-consumable items is not required, but optional):

  • At least one butter knife, made of standard cutlery material, such as stainless steel or plastic.
  • At least one spoon, sized as per cutlery (as opposed to a serving spoon or a ladle), made of standard cutlery material, such as stainless steel or plastic.
  • At least one dinner plate, made of standard material, such as ceramic, porcelain, paper, or plastic.

All items listed above must not be damaged or harmful in any unusual way. The items must be sanitary. The plate must not be broken.

The Maker should place these items on a flat, sanitary surface that is large enough (a clean kitchen counter is ideal) for the Maker to complete the following steps safely:

The Maker should gently remove two slices of bread from the container the bread is in, and lay them on top of the dinner plate, such that both slices have their biggest planes parallel to the plate (i.e. don’t stand the bread up, lay it flat.)

Safely and without damaging the jelly and peanut butter containers, the Maker should open the containers for the jelly and the peanut butter. The individual instructions may vary per container; please read the lid or the label of the container if the Maker requires further assistance. Any lids the Maker removes from the containers should be placed next to the containers in a manner that doesn’t create additional mess.

Using only one hand, the Maker should grasp the spoon around the narrow part, leaving the wide oval portion of the spoon out of the Maker’s grip. With the other hand, the Maker should grasp the container of jam or jelly in such a manner that the jam or jelly does not spill, does not break, does not create a mess, get on the Maker’s hand, and remains steady.

The Maker should insert the oval end of the spoon into the jam or jelly, and get a scoop of jam or jelly, enough to coat one of the two top-side faces of bread that are on the plate. Then, using the spoon, the Maker places the previously-retrieved scoop of jam or jelly on the slice of bread, and uses the convex portion of the spoon to smear the jam or jelly around, evenly distributing it across the face of that particular slice of bread. The Maker should only do this to one slice of bread, as the other one is for the peanut butter.

When the Maker has smeared an amount of jam or jelly on the bread that the Maker has deemed appropriate (as some Makers prefer little jam or jelly, and others prefer gobs of jam or jelly dripping from their Sandwich), the Maker should optionally lick the spoon clean of the jam or jelly (if no further Sandwiches are to be made; doing this when there are more Sandwiches to be made causes this spoon to be no longer sanitary, necessitating a new spoon to be used), and then put the spoon in a sink or dirty dishwasher nearby (or other receptacle for dirty utensils as agreed upon by means not disclosed in this manual). If instead more Sandwiches are to be made, the spoon can be rested on top of the lid of the container of the jam or jelly.

Grasping the butter knife by the non-serrated end, the Maker should insert the serrated end of the butter knife into the jar of peanut butter, and remove the knife from the jar such that it has about a tablespoon of peanut butter on it. In a manner similar to smearing the jelly as previously mentioned, the Maker should then smear peanut butter onto the slice of bread that does not have the jelly smeared on it. The peanut butter should be smeared onto an equivalent face of that slice of bread. If the Maker wishes, additional peanut butter may be smeared onto the same face of the same slice of bread, to taste. Be warned though, too much peanut butter may affect the structural integrity of the Sandwich.

Once this is complete, the butter knife should be rested in a manner similar to the spoon, as detailed previously. Please note that the butter knife may be reused for further Sandwiches, if it is handled sanitarily.

With the jam or jelly and peanut butter applied to the bread, and both utensils rested as previously noted, the Maker should have their hands clear and not holding anything.

Using hands, the Maker should press the two slices of bread together such that the faces containing the peanut butter and the jam or jelly are parallel to each other, perpendicular about their center axis, lined up at the edges, and in contact. Do not press too hard, as this may smush the Sandwich. Force beyond moving the slices of bread together shouldn’t be needed.

If these instructions are completed accurately and with intention, a Sandwich will be formed as a result.

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