Ask Dr. Laura

This originally appeared on

Dear Dr. Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's law. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Leviticus 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. How should I deal with this?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as it suggests in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? I also know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Leviticus 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Now I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself? Then, Exodus 25:44 states that I may buy slaves from the nations that are around us. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans but not Canadians. Can you clarify?

A friend of mine also feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Leviticus 11:10.), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? And Leviticus 22:22 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Actually, this originated during the 1920s/1930s as a pamphlet, having nearly the same exact text seen here. It was used to make fun of Jews and has popped up in various places since then, most recently here, where it's now being used to make fun of Christians. Whoop dee Fuck, discrimination all over again.

That being said, I really dislike Dr. Laura.


Rainfire's interpretation of the intent of this joke is unenlightened and just plain ol' run-of-the-mill wrong. I felt I should respond to it in some fashion.

This joke (in this incarnation anyways) was in response to Dr. Laura publicly denouncing homosexuality as a sin, using the Old Testament to back up her stance. This is, of course, a ridiculous thing to do. The author of the "letter" above was showing up the pure stupidity of Dr. Laura's suggestion by demonstrating that many of the laws outlined in the Old Testament have simply no bearing on modern life. They are several thousand years old, it's no surprise.

And from a theological point of view, if you are a Christian, the Old Testament cannot be used as a reasonable method for determining God's view of an issue (such as homosexuality, premarital sex, whatever) since the whole point of Christianity is that the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ forged the New Covenant, a completely different and radical (in their terms) agreement between God and his people. The New Covenant is about pacifism and forgiveness of sins. God as we know him from the Old Testament was a being of fire and fury. Would the Christian God turn the river Nile to blood? Hell no (no pun intended).

If you're going to use the Old Testament, you have to take it for what it is - the Jewish Scriptures, a document which, to a certain extent, represents the culture and religion of ages past. If you are going to make claims from a Christian perspective, backing them up in this way is a seriously bad move. Certainly there is value to be had from the Old Testament, but not by attempting to literally apply laws which make no sense in a modern context.


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