The Kabalarian Philosphy was devised by Alfred J. Parker. It aims to combine the rational views of the West, with the spiritual views of the East.

The Philosphy teaches that "the individual" is directly linked to the `laws' of mathematics, and language. Because of this, a person's personality, and actions can be derived from his name and day of birth.

Their ideas are more or less Oprah-ish. A vegetarian diet, think happy thoughts, no swearing, be nice to others, etc.

From their website (at, I get the idea that it is nothing more than a sham. They (The Society of Kabalarians of Canada) sell `name reports', which have a detailed analysis of your name, and hence, your personality. A `demo' can be viewed for free. These reports seem totally random, though. Someone here, on E2, (I forgot who) mentioned that their analysis of Cthulu said naught but good things about his personality. But it does make for an amusing read.

The Kabalarian name philosophy is more or less random. There's about as much method in it as converting a name to a number and then picking one of ten responses from a database. In the earlier days of their website, they would do a quick review of your name "by hand," meaning if your name wasn't in their "database" that they would give it 10 minutes, give it a random review, and then put it on the page. Great fun could be had waiting to see if it'd actually spit out an analysis of names like toilet, vagina, and goatse. Of course, it did.

Sadly though, many people seem to think that it's an authentic practice. Though admittedly I haven't looked at the detailed "name reports" they have, I'd imagine it's on par. If you ever do have a friend or someone who keeps telling you that their name was right on, and yours may be too, and all sorts of other crap, pull this stunt to prove them wrong. It works everytime:

1) Get a volunteer from the group in the room. A neutral third party, we'll say her name is Jamie.

2) Without either party looking, pull up her name on the Kabalarian website, then pull up any other female name, say... Sue. Make sure it's a different random report than Jamie's was, and say, "Ok, here's what the Kabalarians have to say about you." Read off Sue's name report to Jamie.

3) At this point, because all the responses are generalized as fortune cookie messages, Jamie should probably nod and say, "Yeah, that'd be me all right," or something to the effect. Smile, nod, and try not to revel too much in your victory when you show them the monitor with "Jamie's" name report.

It might be worth explaining at this point to your friend the concept of canned responses and whatnot. Simply plugging in thirty names and seeing only ten responses come up should be more than enough proof, but this will at least prove your point in a rather hands on method.

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