In a time long ago and a place far away, there lived a bizzare entity known to the first incarnation of Everything as zhaus. He/she/they/it never logged into E2 and composed only one node of note, the wonderfully surreal "dead rat game" which was deleted during an episode of "raising the bar." Several users mourned the passing of this masterpiece of found art and resurrected it on their homenodes, that it might never die.

Thus this inarticulate noder, whose grasp of the English language was as tenuous as fishnet stockings on a hippopotamus, passed into E2 legend. You, too, can keep the dream alive - see E2 Clique Application Form for details.

But who was zhaus? For that matter, what was zhaus? Perhaps the question would be better posed in what was most likely zhaus's native language:

Was ist ZHAUS ?

The fine German authors of provide us with an answer to that query. Zhaus is a software package designed to assist in the management of rental housing. There doesn't seem to be any connection with the famed rat-spinner, and the word zhaus itself seems untranslatable. So much for that route.

There is one other zhaus-domain in active use. is the personal site of one Michelle Zassenhaus, an English-speaking freelance artist and web designer who denied any prior knowledge of Everything or its dead rat enigma. No leads here, it appears, but certainly more interesting than property management, and worth looking into if you want some high-quality graphics for your website.

The always-entertaining Kabalarians seem to have predicted zhaus's personality fairly well. According to

This name gives a certain amount of practicality to your thinking; but there is also a tendency to scatter your efforts for, although you want system and order and stability in your life, you are too apt to be distracted from the job you are doing and to become involved in spontaneous interests. You are good-natured, have a good sense of humour, and are fairly easy-going, making friends with those who enjoy a good time.

Slashdot has a very low-numbered user named zhaus, probably dating back to the E1 era. This slashdotter's bio reads simply "Hello" and his/her email is unreachable. I think I might've found the One True Zhaus.

Well, maybe not. The 18 comments posted by the Slashdot zhaus ( show high-level reasoning, articulate use of English grammar and idiom, and some insights into the work of G.K. Chesterton. Surely such a person couldn't have created the dead rat game, unless their creative skills received a massive boost from some mind-altering substance. I'd have to say that Everything's zhaus is either an authentic Teutonic prankster or an English-speaking genius.

Verdict: Mission failed. The venerable zhaus seems to have forever vanished into the realm of myth.

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