Start Again


This is extracted from the results of years of conversation with the voice I attribute to my angel, Anastasia, as well as dreams connected to those conversations. As such, this interpretation of apocalyptic visions, such as the Christian Book of Revelation, is merely the result of activities within my own demented and misguided mind. Anything stated or derived through what is stated in this writeup is to be considered by the reader within this framework.


Anastasia explains the nature of our existence here through the term soul conduit. While most definitions of the soul consider it to be a component of our human form, her definition places the soul outside the body. Instead of the soul being a component of the human being, the human being is a component of the soul.

Anastasia's stories of the nature of existence itself begins with what I sometimes refer to as the Source of All Energy, SOAE or Soul Prime. It is very similar to many concepts of God, except without the human personification. Her story of all things begins with Soul Prime as being a singular, all-powerful entity that found itself very much alone. For all of its energy and power, Soul Prime found itself with no sense of purpose or reason for being.

Soul Prime basically spawned in order to find a sense of purpose. It created souls that were based on itself, but in a sense embryonic and always developing. These souls were then cast out into being, but their nature left them still alone, even though they had a sense of each other. They existed within a virtual vacuum, without the means or methods to interact or make contact the way we make contact with each other here.

In order to combat this continued sense of isolation, souls called upon what they were capable of and created frames, places where they could inject a physical embodiment of themselves in order to interact with other physical embodiments of other souls. Through these soul conduits, they were able to find a sense of purpose via interaction and building a sense of togetherness.

The Passage of the Conduit

Many are led to read the Book of Revelation as relating to the end of the world in some nightmarish scene of evil and good fighting a war to end all wars on the playing field of this world we live on. This never made any sense to me.

Anastasia interprets the meaning of the final chapter of The New Testament in a different way. She sees it as one person's version of the battle fought within the soul after the termination of the "life" of a soul conduit within a specific frame of existence. This battle is self-contained. It is where the soul sums up what has been accomplished during the life of its conduit. The deeds and services are considered. What has been given in the spirit of brotherhood amongst the souls is weighed along with what has been taken outside of the spirit of brotherhood.

The soul is rather addicted to maintaining contact with other souls through conduits, and once the life of one conduit has ended, it must create another to continue feeding its need for companionship and integration with other souls. It must find a place to inject this conduit, another frame or another form within the same frame. It must do this in a way that maintains balance with other souls. These concepts can be found in the roots of reincarnation and karma.

To facilitate the transfer of soul energy from one conduit or another, that energy passes through evaluation by the sponsor soul and enters what is essentially a "bidding frame." The soul must find a frame where its conduit will be accepted and easily integrated. This "bidding frame" is a kind of purgatory, where certain conduits exist to "assist" with passage from one frame and form to another frame and form. The decision will be made through an evaluation of the actions, deeds and behaviors of primarily the most recent conduit, but taking into account those of previous conduits connected to this particular soul.

These evaluations lean heavily on interaction with other conduits within a frame. Conflict of any kind between two conduits will leave the sponsor souls needing to find peace between them in order to maintain balance between them. This is most easily seen in the need to make peace with one's enemies, because if peace is not made, the conflict will follow successive soul conduits until it is made. "The zealots will fight each other forever in a war that never ends."

Personal Apocalypse

Most texts consisting of visions of apocalypse are written by those who state those visions were granted to them by angels, and so if my vision is given to me by an angel, then mine may be no more or less valid than theirs. However, mine has nothing to do with a different series of events, symbolism, dates or numbers. My own personal apocalypse has all these elements, but it is often stated to my by Anastasia that they relate only to me on a personal level. This led me to ask the question, if these apocalyptic visions relate only to me specifically, why are they visions of destruction of the world as we know it?

"The world ends when you end."

"My death signals the end of the world?"

"They'll destroy that world on their own, they don't need any help. The world you know ends when you end."


"Will you continue to be aware of its existence when you are no longer a part of it?"

"I don't imagine I will be."

"The world ends when you end."

That conversation brought me back to events which transpired during my death experience in 1994. In the early stages, I passed down a jungle river alone on a raft. As I continued down that river, the land on either side of me was engulfed in flame. The land was populated by all the people I had known, and would come to know, here in the world we know. I was unable to help them, and as I watched, the people screamed in torment as the flames overtook them. The destruction, the flames, the pain stretched out in every direction, sparing no one. It was the end of the world I knew. It was the apocalypse.

"The world ends when you end."

My connection to these other conduits would be broken by death, which is a reflection of life. Their perception of my passing from the frame of existence they were in was, in my perception, their passing out of the frame of existence I was in. My life ended in their perception. Their world ended in mine.

Judgment Day

Apocalyptic visions are seen by individuals, each of whom then applies this vision to the world as a whole rather than their own personal existence. Individuals can find justification for this application in a variety of ways, such as matching names and numbers to world events. I can tell you that part of my apocalyptic visions involve an angel named Ekaterina. She claims to be a sister of Anastasia, but this can be misleading if you fail to take into account "we are all brothers and sisters." Ekaterina has spoken a number of times about her two daughters, whose names are found within hers, creating great destruction as one of the signs of the arrival of "the end of the existing order." The names Katrina and Rita are both found in the name Ekaterina if you treat it like an anagram, but I'm not about to claim this means something to anyone other than myself personally.

Ekaterina is, in a sense, representative of my darker side while Anastasia is representative of my other side. I listen to Anastasia and find great value in her words and teachings. I pay attention to Ekaterina, but her ideas and words have a strong scent of temptation attached to them. They have to do with gaining power and glory for myself, including her frequent insistence that I found my own religion in order to gain wealth, power and privilege. She asks me to follow a path, just as Anastasia asks me to follow a path. This is the nature of the battle within me to determine where my passage will take me from this life into the next. This is a personal battle which has little or nothing to do with anyone other than myself.

The soul is its own judge, doing so in order to maintain a necessary balance with other souls. The soul conduit is like the child of that soul, needing to be scolded and corrected as well as needing to be loved and rewarded. And so, once the frame that conduit inhabited was destroyed in the perception of that conduit, it now faces judgment by the only capable judge it will ever know, its soul.

As a result, it is actions and deeds which matter most, and why Anastasia insists the meaning of life is give everything you can to everyone you know. What we do and what we fail to do is equally important in the final equation. Debts that follow us from one life to another include not only wrongs we have done another but times when we could have acted when we did not. Love unfulfilled. Hate unreleased. Forgiveness not given. Peace not attained. All these things and more remain amplified within the soul until the balance is attained again.

The judgment of the soul is not given so much as punishment or reward, although it bears this outward appearance. It is given in order to find the best possible route by which the balance can be brought back between that soul and other souls its conduit has impacted through contact with their conduits. Someone who has tortured, raped and killed faces a difficult journey in their next frame of existence and probably beyond that. All down the line, a course of action will be taken by the soul to restore balance through its conduits by the most expedient means available. Souls do not feel emotion, pain and joy the way we do. They created us to do that for them, and so their judgment can often be harsh.

Warriors in the Final Battle

The final battle is not in any real sense a what you would normally call a battle. It is not a bunch of dudes with swords, arrows, guns or missiles trying to kill each other to get an edge. It is spawned from the soul's judgment of its conduit to where it basically asks other souls "Who will have my conduit?" This is what I previously referred to as "the bidding frame."

At the most basic level, consider who would have you if you died and were to be reborn. Would your friends want you back for another run? Would the people you've loved and cared about take you back? What people that you've known would not want to be without you and would be willing to fight for the opportunity to be with you again? Would anyone, or would most of them just assume be without you in their next life?

Now consider what people you've known would, instead of having an opportunity to love and care about you, want "another shot" at you.

These are essentially the warriors of the final battle, those who want a chance to embrace you again and those who want a chance to stick a dagger in your eye. Which group will be stronger in numbers, devotion and passion? I believe the numbers seen in apocalyptic visions signify something about the nature of these groups, but this one group against another is highly simplistic. It isn't as easy as saying "Which group will take me?" That is black and white thinking and Judgment Day is colored completely in shades of gray. The person who supports you as a friend and shows great love may have hidden resentments yet to surface. The person who wants you dead may hide a need to forgive you.

Rather than two groups of clearly defined individuals fighting for "custody" of you, imagine only those who are passionate about their attachment to you gathering on that field to determine the nature of the frame all will agree on as the next chapter in an infinite existence. Those who take passage to this frame will not all be seeking a continued shared existence with you. It will be like a spider's web, as each connection flows through all those who are invited to attend. In the end, billions of souls will commit billions of soul conduits to that frame. Many will already be present, waiting for those yet to make the commitment. Some may make the passage knowing soul conduits they have unfinished business with are already there. Some may wait to ensure they will be joined by those yet to come. Others will leave a trail of breadcrumbs in the expectation that their ancient enemies and loved ones will follow and find them again.

In a sense, that frame will consist of those who are passionate and devoted to their connection to you, on whatever level as well as those who are passionate and devoted to their connection to those who are passionate and devoted to their connection to you, so on and so forth. And you wonder why life can get so complicated?

Why would anyone judge an entire world all at once?

I commonly refer to this world as samsara. I consider it to be part of the cycle of life and death, and as such, valuable as an established frame of existence with a history and a future. This makes it valuable to the passages of soul conduits as they seek to restore balance between their sponsoring souls. It makes no sense to me that an entity of any kind would decide to condemn an entire frame, for even one fitting the description of Hell serves a purpose in regaining balance. This is another reason why I consider a spiritually based apocalypse to be personal in nature. A man-made apocalypse is another story.

To all those who obsess over judgment day and how the world as a whole will be judged, I ask that they be concerned instead with their personal judgment day and how their soul, free from prejudices and rationalizations, will perceive their actions and deeds here. I ask them to reflect on the impact they have had on the lives of others who enter their life's orbit. Prepare yourself for that passage.

And for that question I know someone is dying to ask, "What about Jesus coming back on Judgment Day?" Dude, if you have faith in the Nazarene, or any other such entity, then they will be there to help you when your personal apocalypse is upon you. Choose wisely. Faith will not betray you.


A comic book science fiction story, published in Weird Fantasy #18 in April 1953, and later reprinted in Incredible Science Fiction #33 in February 1956. Both magazines were published by EC Comics. The story was written by Al Feldstein and illustrated by Joe Orlando

Let's review the plot -- the full plot, with spoilers -- first: 

Tarlton is a human from Earth's Galactic Republic paying a visit to Cybrinia, a planet of robots. They have asked to join the Republic, and Tarlton is here to judge whether or not they are worthy of becoming members. Tarlton -- he keeps his helmet on for most of the story, perhaps because there is no breathable atmosphere on the planet -- is guided through the robot society by an orange robot assigned to show him the advanced civilization of Cybrinia. The robot shows Tarlton the clean, modern city, with democratically elected representatives, the free charging stations. Tarlton watches how the robots are constructed and programmed. 

But it's also clear the robot society is far from ideal. The orange robots are at the top of this civilization, with the best charging stations, the best programming, the best jobs. Blue robots, on the other hand, must live in slums. They work bad jobs they aren't allowed to retire from. Their charging stations are low-grade, and their programming is limited. They even have to sit at the back of the city's buses. In fact, the blue robots are exactly the same as the orange robots -- same designs, same alloys, same components. The only differences are the colors on the outsides and what sort of programming is allowed for each. 

Well, we have to keep them in their place, protests the orange robot. It's been like this since before I was constructed! What do you want me to do?! I'm only one robot! 

No, Cybrinia won't be allowed membership in the Galactic Republic. But Tarlton encourages the robots to keep trying, telling them that thousands of years ago, human on Earth realized they all had to live together before they could improve their lives, and robots can learn to do the same. 

Tarlton returns to his ship, finally removing his helmet so the reader can see what he looks like. The narration reads: "And inside the ship, the man removed his space helmet and shook his head, and the instrument lights made the beads of perspiration on his dark skin twinkle like distant stars..."

This is a really nice story, and a wonderful example of the high quality of work produced by EC. It's a story with a lot of dialogue and a lot of captions, but it still moves along at a good pace. The messaging is a bit heavy-handed and unsubtle, particularly the blue robots forced to ride in the back of the bus. Of course, the early 1950s were a time more people were learning of the horrors of the Jim Crow South and becoming more outraged by it. 

What seems to be a weakness of the art is the almost complete lack of truly human figures we can identify with. The robots have immobile faces and cannot display their emotions, and Tarlton wears his space helmet almost constantly, making his face even less human in appearance than the robots. But this weakness vanishes with Joe Orlando's final panel. We've spent seven pages looking at non-human figures, and finally, we see a beautiful and perfectly human face. That's who we've been identifying with this whole time, and Orlando pulls out the stops to show us this handsome Black man, gazing out on the universe, his face dotted with perspiration. Ultimately, he's all of us, he's someone we should aspire to be, we're proud of his wisdom, and we're proud of the humanity we share with him. 

The original 1953 story got overwhelmingly positive feedback from readers. But EC reprinted two letters they said they were especially proud of. The first was from J.B. Kenny, principal of the School of Industrial Art (now the High School of Art and Design) in New York City. He requested 35 extra copies of the issue, saying "Our students would profit greatly from seeing the work of Mr. Orlando, as well as benefitting from the excellent theme..." (EC sent them 50 copies instead.)

And another letter came in from Ray Bradbury himself. He said, "I realize you have been battling, in the sea of comics, to try to do better things. You have certainly succeeded in JUDGMENT DAY, which should be required reading for every man, woman, and child in the United States. You've done a splendid thing here, and deserve the highest commendation."

The Comics Code Authority didn't exist in 1953, but they did in time for the reprint in 1956. And the guy in charge of the CCA, Judge Charles Murphy, hit the roof about this story. He'd already nixed an original story EC had planned for the issue because it also starred a Black person. Murphy demanded the final panel of the reprint needed to be changed to make Tarlton white. There wasn't anything in the CCA rules that said characters had to be white -- but Judge Murphy was a racist piece of shit, so that was all he cared about.

Feldstein told Murphy the entire point of the story was that Tarlton was Black, and emphasized that everyone knew the CCA was riding EC so hard because they were trying to run them out of business. Feldstein then told EC publisher William Gaines about the call, sending Gaines into a rage. He called Murphy back and threatened to sue the CCA and hold a press conference about the incident. I'm not sure Gaines would've had any standing to sue, but the publicity for the Comics Code, even in the 1950s, would've been catastrophic

After this, Judge Murphy suggested instead that EC just take off the beads of sweat on Tarlton's face, which got both Gaines and Feldstein to yell "Fuck you!" into the phone before Murphy hung up. 

Incredible Science Fiction #33 ended up being the last comic book EC published, but it ran with "Judgment Day" uncensored in its pages. EC soon put all its efforts into Mad Magazine, which didn't fall under the stern and racist gaze of the Comics Code Authority. 

Today, the Comics Code Authority is dead. Judge Charles Murphy is also dead, and remembered only as a racist bigot. Both are much deader than EC Comics or "Judgment Day," which are still remembered and revered by comics fans.

Reprint of the story

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