(Originally noded on October 18, 2000)

(Scene: a deserted crossroads somewhere in New England. The Fabulous PoopJet pulls up to the intersection and stops.)

Olivia: We're lost.

Jack: Shut up. We're not lost.

Olivia: We're so lost.

Phillip: Why did I let you guys talk me into coming along? Patrick was gonna take some potshots at Mir. Todd was gonna drop acid and try to out-fez thefez. Edward was gonna explore those ruins on the Dark Side of the Moon. Why was it necessary for me to come along while Jack wandered around New England?

Jack: I'm not lost.

Oscar: We were out of food, Phil. And you know Mother Hubbard when the cupboard's bare...

Olivia: You call me that again and I'll rip your throat out, Oscar.

Oscar: Mother Hubbard, Mother Hubbard, Mother Hubbard, Mother OWWW!

Jack: Not in the car! NOT IN THE CAR!

Olivia: I! Told! You! Not! To! Call! Me! That!

Oscar: Cut it out! Cut it the hell out!


Phillip: Okay, so I was wondering, as long as we're stopped, can I open the grocery bags? All this driving is making me hungry.


Olivia: Alright, alright, I'm finished.

Oscar: Th-That was my favorite testicle!

Olivia: And you're not getting it back 'til you say you're sorry.

Phillip: Anyone for Nutter Butters?

Jack: Yeah, lemme have a couple. This is New Hampshire, isn't it? That pizza place has to be around here somewhere.

Phillip: The pizza place is in Massachusetts. The burger joint is in New Hampshire.

Jack: Well, it should be around here somewhere.

Olivia: Hey, who's that guy?

(A fancy black limousine pulls up next to the PoopJet. The back window of the limousine rolls down)

Phillip: Dude wants to talk. Roll down your window and be neighborly, Jack.

(Jack rolls down the window on the PoopJet)

Jack: Yes?

Upper-Class Twit: Pahdon me, but would you happen to have any Jet-Poupon?

Jack: What?

Twit: Would you happen to have any Jet-Poupon?

Jack: Can y'all tell what he's asking for?

Olivia: I think it's French for cabbage or carrots or wine or something.

Oscar: He said give me back my nut.

Olivia: Not 'til you say sorry.

Oscar: No.

Olivia: I swear, Oscar, I'll munch this little thing down like a fucking apple.

Phillip: Ewww.

Jack: Ollie dear, give him his ball back.

Phillip: Hey, Jack, I think that guy's asking for mustard. See if he wants this.

Jack: Okay. Hey, man, we got mustard. Ya want mustard?

Twit: Mustahd? No, no, Jet-Poupon.

Jack: No, it's mustard! Mus-Tard! Mus -- Listen. We! Don't! Speak! Your language! We're! A-Mer-I-Cans! We! Have! Mustard! Mus! Tard! Help me out, guys.


Twit: Hmph! Wall, I nevah!

(The limousine drives off)

Jack: Jeez. What a freak. People are weird in the east.

Oscar: Damn Frenchmen.

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