I can't tell if I'm growing up or coming into something new. There have been so many times in my life when I gained a new outlook on life or started thinking differently and now I'm moving past those thoughts. I've done this so many times. Is realizing that you'll do it alot more before you die, maturity? Is realizing you're immature, maturity? This puzzles me. I've finally given up on knowing everything. I've finally stopped struggling against myself. I've finally started being completely honest with myself and the people around me. I've started writing again. I'm learning to really love. I appreciate everything I have. I've started to find spirituality.

All these things are parts of growing. People keep telling me I'm maturing. Others say I'm waking up. Are you ever really mature? Aren't we all asleep? I keep finding the more answers I come across, the more questions arise. The new question I have for myself is, "Why keep searching?" I now think that the answer will be there when I'm ready to see it. To me it sounds like giving up. I don't know what to do with all these new thoughts and emotions.

The best I can do right now is understand that this is just another stage in my life and I will be a better person for it. I hope I'm right.

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