He wakes up everyday, puts an empty gun in his mouth, and pulls the trigger. Well, a mostly empty gun anyway.
John had at one point in his life not been very happy. But not so unhappy that he could commit suicide. As a young boy he held a revolver in one hand, bullets in the other but he was scared so he decided to leave it up to God. He put one bullet in and spun the cylinder just like he saw in the movies. He only pulled the trigger once.
Afterwards, John put his dad's gun and the bullets back where he found them but kept the one bullet he loaded into the gun and put it in his pocket. It became a good luck charm, a sign that God wanted him to live.
Later, in college, John began to doubt the meaning of it all. And so, being old enough, he dipped into his savings and bought a revolver; the same kind his dad had. Back in his apartment he took out his lucky bullet, loaded it into a chamber, spun the cylinder, pulled the trigger and heard the gun go *click*.
Now, it wasn't healthy, nor sane but it got to the point where doing this was a regular thing. Whenever something bad happened, or a big decision was coming, John would get the gun, pull the bullet out of his pocket and see if God wanted him to live.
He did it before every exam in college. He did it after his girlfriend broke up with him. He did it the night before job interviews. It became his way of fortune-telling.
And now, Now John wakes up everyday, puts the gun in his mouth, and pulls the trigger.