After reading DMan
's Dream Log: June 13, 2000
, i bet there are people saying, i figured as much about that crazy DMan. He's insane.
I don't think that's true. At all.
IRL, (despite my occasional online Durga-esque tendencies), i am considered sweet, harmless and kind. I do not advocate violence and do not hold grudges. My political ideals are so far from anything that might realistically happen that i am unhappily apathetic toward most political groups. Hatred makes me sad.
Most dreams i remember involve evading something (usually undefined) or searching for something (usually undefined), always full of vague fears or frustrations, but not much real action. Yet, i have in the past had several dreams that were disturbingly violent, like DMan's. The ones i remember both occurred while i was at school:
- Someone(s) have taken my best friend hostage, and their stipulation for releasing her is that i have to kill people by opening them with razors and letting them bleed. The victims must trust me. There is a quota. Willa is closer than a sister - of course i do it. But i kill myself last.
- With no apparent motivation, i am running up and down the hallways of different dorms, and into rooms, killing everyone i meet with an axe. The dream is very graphic and goes on for a long time. I end up down by the Hudson River, the axe at my feet, watching the sun rise and the train go by.
Both of these woke me up in shock, disgust
ed with myself and terrified. I never really played violent games
or watched violent movies
much. I don't even watch the news! I don't know where these dreams came from, but they shook me.