Once upon a time, in a land that doesn't exist, Joshua woke up. He woke up in a bed with scratchy blankets next to a beautiful redhead with freckles down her back. He kissed her shoulder and got a spear through the head.

And then he woke up, his cell phone alarm going off, bacon sizzling in the kitchen. Stumbling out of bed he askes his brother if he could have some. His brother said yes then hit him in the head with a frying pan.

And then he woke up, in a bed with scratchy blankets, alone. Joshua stumbled out of bed and went to the kitchen, killing the assassin in the closet before he could jump out. There was always an assassin in the closet. Later he would strip him down, pawn everything and pay to have the door fixed. Assassins liked to wear really nice clothes so there was always a little extra. He went to the kitchen, found no bacon and went back to bed. It was going to be one of those days.

He didn't wake up again until the pigs started squealing. They were hungry. He stripped the assassin down, cut him up into six pieces and threw him to the pigs. Joshua liked pigs. They were smart and clean, everything people weren't. He liked pigs so much he had to hire someone else to kill them so he could have bacon. He would have to do that sometime today, but not now, later.

There was an envelope on his table. Always the same, locked door and windows but the envelope on the table. He looked at the wax seal before breaking it. The kitty had one more whisker on it than last time. He closed his eyes when opening it, focusing on the perfume. It was heady stuff, obviously sprayed onto the letter. It was jasmine this time. They were blooming. Always the same, the letter asked how he was doing, knowing he couldn't answer, before moving onto the job. She wanted it messy this time. At least he thought it was a she. Hoped it was a she.

The mark was a pimp downtown. Went by the name of Velvet. None of his girls ever lasted long but he was nice to them while they did. Not that it mattered. Velvet was the mark, nothing more. He got his tools and weapons from beneath the playboys and headed downtown. This job called for the power drill, shiny new from the hardware store and the bigger plastic zip ties. Delilah was strapped to his back, like always. He parked in front of a 7-11, getting the knife out of the dash. It was easy to find Velvet. All he had to do was keep the knife visable and ask around. Velvet's clients were like that. Like I said, his girls never lasted long.

He found one of Velvet's girls, she led him to a hotel. She was scared, did her best not to show it. She heard the rumors, and saw the knife. He tried to give her a good time. Then he refused to pay.

He got dressed as she made the phone call. Velvet was quick, showing up in 10 minutes. He wasn't like what Joshua thought he would be. Velvet wasn't a He. She came in ready for a fight, breaking down the door. Joshua had been waiting in the hall. He waited until she came back out, arm wrapping around her neck, waiting. She stopped kicking but he waited a little longer. He knew that trick. He slipped the lobby girl a 50 to keep quiet.

He drove out past the city, heading toward a cave by the beach. He made it quick, or as quick as he could. Dismembering was slow work. Slower if you forgot to sharpen the knife. He left her alive for the seagulls. Stepping out of the cave Joshua was shot in the chest. It was that hooker from the hotel. He should have shown her a better time. She walked up to him, not crying but mascara stained from when she did.

It all happened very slowly. She pulled the trigger, the hammer pulled back. And the gun went BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP.

Joshua woke up in a bed with scratchy blankets, next to a beautiful redhead with freckles down her back. He kissed her shoulder, she smelled like jasmine.

The end.

A catbox story

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