An open response to XWiz:
I don't know what your problem is.
The five "'fuck' and 'shit' laden messages" I sent you actually had content other than swear words but from what it looks like you're just out to stir some stuff up and you don't really care about what's really going on, you just want to justify to yourself why you're being irrational and ignorant so I'll try again:
You don't know the circumstances, and I don't need you swinging your e-gavel at me based on what you think you know.
I've got no problem with it being deleted, if most of the people who read it didn't like it, obviously it needs to go.
I wrote this to you already but you chose to ignore it: if someone is going to carry a "you're a cow" metaphor to the extent that the cow in question is milked, and then that milked is churned into butter, it's obviously an exercise in being ridiculous, i.e. "whimsical." The girl has been friends with the other guys who work with me for years. They are about as bad as I am. She knows what's really going on when boys like us tease her the way we do - we like her enough that we can act ourselves and be dumb around her.
"You're gleefully expressing how you systematically abuse another human with the help of your fellow workers," "If I were able, I'd provide as much help as possible encouraging her to pursue some form of legal action. At the very least, I'd be holding her hand down the police station and encouraging her to let it all out," you don't know what you're talking about and with that kind of warped view of reality you sound like an over protective parent with no concept of what's actually going on.
You can tell me to grow up all you want, it doesn't change the fact that you don't know the circumstances or the people involved and that you need to chill out.
By the way you could have just as easily kept this private instead of responding privately with
XWiz says I've been waiting for that response all day. And after reading all that, I have one short thing to say: Grow up.
and then going public with this, trying to make it look like I wasn't making myself available for reasonable discussion. You didn't care about "arguing intelligently" as I'm sure you think this is what you're doing, so it wasn't worth the effort for me to write another five messages in which I explained what was happening just so you'd ignore it again so you could live in this fantasy you have of being the knight in shining armor.
You're ignorant, fuck off.
edit - Just to clarify, I don't care that the write up was deleted, I just don't think you're in the position to be making judgment calls on my character or my actions.
XWiz, you win.
I tried going to work today.
The girl was there bawling. My managers watched me walk in with very disappointed looks on their faces. I was told I was fired, and that harassment charges would be filed against me.
"You mean you didn't like being called a cow?" I asked, incredulous.
"OF COURSE NOT YOU FUCKING DICK, WHY WOULD I LIKE BEING CALLED A COW. BY THE WAY IT TAKES A REALLY LONG TIME TO CHURN BUTTER SO THAT WAS A REALLY STUPID JOKE YOU WOULD HAVE NEVER GOTTEN IT OUT IN TIME."
Now I owe several hundred thousand because of undue distress and psychological damages.
It turns out none of my friends ever liked me in the first place since I'm such a dick and now they are no longer friends with me. Apparently they feel that I don't know how society works, nor do I know my place in it, and that this speaks poorly of my character.
I got kicked off my school's weightlifting team for inflammatory behavior. They said I swore too much. It made me ignorant. But, but, I protested, what about my write ups? So much insight, so much research, surely those count for something? No, they were vehement, the second you use a single swear word, you negate everything you've ever said. Technically I can still compete, it's a club sport, but my entry form to the state meet was rejected, because upon further review "the Texas State Weightlifting Championships and Open does not need a fucking asshole lifting in the Open Men's division; perhaps you'd like to apply for School Age eligibility, you immature fuck?" I declined.
My parents disowned me because I wouldn't stop making fun of my sister - I kept saying she looked and acted like a 12 year old when she is in fact 23. That's what happens when you're Korean. She probably won't like that I said that.
A child, barely a toddler, ran up to me out of no where today and kicked me in the shin. "I hate you," he said. His parents told me that he had never spoken before, they thanked me. Then they looked into my eyes and saw how black my soul was and tased me into unconsciousness, all the while screaming something about taking legal action and calling the police and encouraging their boy to let it all out, it's all right, the bad man's gone now.
On my way driving around looking for another job I intentionally tried running over squirrels, because I am that immature. I missed all of them. Because I'm also inept.
I could not find work because I systematically abused the employees and managers everywhere I went before I finished filling out my application. Everywhere I went, people were gnashing their teeth and pulling out their hair in anguish. Never had they ever met someone who was so hurtful, so callus and apathetic to the feelings of others. "You're a monster," they told me. "A monster."
Frances, who I have not spoken to since finals week, called me to say, "You are a dick." She hung up after that. This is OK because since I'm such an asshole, I am used to girls hanging up on me because that is all that ever happens to me. And I am especially used to Frances hanging up on me. Because she hates me and always will because I'm a bad, bad person.
There was some talk of giving me a taste of my own medicine. This stopped when I started sobbing uncontrollably because someone told me I looked like I had lost weight. Because obviously I am an insecure, little man with no redeeming qualities. They let me be. I cried alone.
You were right, XWiz. I regret everything. I've hurt so many people in my life and helped no one. All I've ever done is make people miserable. I have no grasp of the consequences of my actions or my words. I vow from this day on to never be mean ever again. Or take glee in doing so.
edit 3:57pm - The most amazing thing happened. Outside the cardboard box that I now live in, I heard birds chirping. I have not heard the song of birds in years. Mostly because I usually shoot them and then spray them with hairspray and then ignite them with a match because I treat everything in my life like shit. When I crawled outside they alighted upon my shoulders and chattered happily. Dogs and cats approached me with the warm familiarity of long-lost friends. Children smiled at me. Girls started giving me a second glance. But I haven't showered since I lost my job so it was just two looks this time, not the one. Baby steps.
I'm a new man, XWiz. You've changed me for the better. Now I utter only the kindest compliments. You do not look like a cow. You are like a graceful swan gliding upon the most peaceful lake of perfect stillness. You do not excrete milk but golden eggs of elegance that almost certainly cannot be churned into a fattening dairy product. You are beautiful.
Strangely no one likes me. They say I'm too nice, I smile too much, it's kind of creepy. But that's all right. I must attone for my sins. This is my punishment. I bear it proudly. I love you all.