Ivan had been attending a public high school for three terribly lengthy years. He had recently begun his fourth, especially long, final year of high school. He was always tired, exhausted from dawn to dusk no matter how elevated his sugar intake. He was always dreadfully tired during the school week and felt encumbered by life's worries. However, one auspicious morning, he took note of a group of other students entering the school with cups labeled, "Starbucks." The students held the cups with special cardboard sleeves with the words, "Caution: It's Hot." Embossed on the side. Ivan was intrigued, to say the least.
After school ended that day, Ivan researched this word he did not know, "Starbucks." Within several minutes he had an answer, Starbucks was a "coffee" establishment. Ivan was unfamiliar with this word too because he had been slightly sheltered as a child. After committing himself to more research, Ivan discovered that coffee is a substance used as a means to administer an agent known as "caffeine" into the body. He was delighted to learn that caffeine acts as a stimulant. Maybe this had been what he was looking for all these years.
Ivan left his home as quickly as humanly possible to find one of these establishments and make use of the wonder drug. As soon as he arrived at a Starbucks, he halted in bewilderment. He thought he was experiencing a hallucination: he looked across the street and saw another Starbucks. Someone told him to get out of her way and he quickly snapped out of his apparent daydream. Ivan began to shuffle towards the door of the Starbucks with anxious curiosity.
As soon as Ivan opened the door, a horrifying, dreadful smell swept over him. It felt as though his brain cells were being terminated at that very moment. The amalgamation of nightmarish stench forced him to burst out of the door back onto the street, gasping for unadulterated air. He decided to wait outside, to pace himself. He decided to observe the innards of the store through a large plate-glass window caked with the smudged fingerprints of passersby.
Ivan cupped his hands around his eyes and dove into the scene. He noticed a man in the corner on a large leather chair. He wore thick, rectangular, black-rimmed glasses; a pullover of solid grey, black slacks, and looked as though he had forgotten to shave that morning. He sat in front of a sleek, white laptop with a briefcase at his side. Ivan determined that this was the dominant member of the Starbucks "society." He peered to his left and spotted a group of students. Finally, he had found something familiar.
The four of them were sitting on two brown leather couches in the back of the establishment, drinking coffee and talking. Each had a textbook, notebook, highlighter, and a pencil. This sight had given Ivan the strength to try entering the store again; if they can do it, he can too.
He crept along the glass window towards the door, but came to a dead halt. He couldn't do it; he was sweating bullets. But, a few seconds later, a mother and her four year-old daughter entered through the door with ease. Ivan was embarrassed; a toddler can go into Starbucks, but he can't. Ivan finally worked up his courage and glided in behind them, holding his nose.
He stood there at the entrance with a look of great satisfaction on his face, let go of his nose, and then strolled up to the counter. There was only one problem: he had no idea how to read the intricate menu let alone order anything. He heard the mother in front of him order a "triple-shot mocha." He determined this to be standard procedure, so he ordered the same. He was in for a horrific experience.
Ivan took a sip of the steaming beverage and tasted nothing but the death of his taste-buds. It was the most intense heat he had ever experienced in his entire life. He dropped the mocha on the ground and sprinted into the bathroom. He turned the cold water on as high as it could go and ran his tongue under the cool, soothing water. When he finished, Ivan deemed the experiment an utter failure and shuffled out of the back door of the store.
Suddenly, his hands began shaking uncontrollably; he couldn't stop blinking, and could feel his heart beating through his chest. He about-faced and hurdled over a trashcan back into the store. When he got to the counter, he said to the employee, "I'll have another."