10 Oct, 2017
10 minutes: "I slumped back in my chair as my sister said"
I slumped back in my chair as my sister said, "Mom died."
I wasn't really sure what I was thinking at that point. Was it a dream? Was it a joke? Surely she was just playing some kind of cruel joke, but I couldn't bring myself to call her out on it. It was too disrespectful.
I didn't know what to do with the phone at that point. I guess I hung up on her without another word. Images flashed through my head - a funeral, people in black, crying, wailing - would people be wailing I wondered, not sure if that was too cold or expecting too much.
A coffin being lowered into the ground...
I wasn't sure what I was thinking. It was getting hard to breathe. I needed to get out of the house. Now. I tried to get up, but my legs weren't cooperating. I had to sit down again, trying to get my breathing under control.
I'm not sure if I succeeded. I left the house in a daze. I think my cell phone was ringing, but at that point I wasn't sure if it mattered.
"I really do need to call her back," I thought to myself, but couldn't bring myself to do it. I had no clue what I would say. I wasn't even sure where I was walking. Somewhere, anywhere. A place to think. Thoughts rushed through my head preventing coherent thought.
And so I wandered into the evening. One foot in front of the other. At least that was something I could believe.