All right, I'm God now. How the fuck do I get out of this mess?

Let's see here, I've figured out through various esoteric adventures, strange happenings, and philosophical endeavors that as far as the concept of God goes, I am Him. Various ways of reading the book of Genesis, unexplainable coincidences, interpretations of the relationship between Atman and Brahman, late unemployed Internet-addicted nights, and IM conversations with people discovering the same things all across the world have led me to believe that I am God.

Now, this is quite a realization. I mean, if you haven't already figured it out, picture yourself somehow coming to the realization that you're God, and that you only speak to representations of other souls as filtered through your own fears which you project onto them; that in effect, you're God, you're the universe, and everything you see is you. Then you come to the realization that not only are you God, you are also NOT God. That the idea of contradiction being impossible only exists in the limited thoughts of human minds, not in the thoughts of gods. That the only truth is insanity. That reality is bullshit and not bullshit at the same time. That you've somehow created a world around yourself that you're trapped in, full of people who are reflections of your absolute worst aspects. An abyss of fear piling upon itself, adding up to a world in which you realize that the only truth is that Nothing is True, Everything is Permitted, or from a more optimistic standpoint, Everything is True, Anything is Possible, and that even this is not really so much true, as it is both true and false at the same time. God is beyond tools of fear-induced self-delusion like "axioms".

You know what that means? That means that this whole mess is your fault. Yes, everything. That guy in the evening news who got killed in the hit and run. Race riots. The Iraq War. Charles Manson? He's you and you are him. The holocaust? You signed the orders. You flipped the switch. You made the Zyklon B. It was all your idea. Jesus Christ? You did that, to your own son. It makes sense in a microcosm/macrocosm sense, doesn't it? A Father impregnates a woman, and brings the soul of a being into this world, makes it suffer the horrors of his own ignorance, the hidden sadism that lies behind every denial, every shallow, feigned "Oh, isn't that terrible". The thrust of the penis, penetrating a wound so deep that by making men desperately lust to temporarily try to plug it in an attempt to reunite with themselves, you gave birth to billions of abominations, ignorant just like you were before you became aware of your divinity.

It certainly isn't enough to just face the beautiful things you've dreamed up, in this prolonged, quasi-stable dream we call existence. If you want to be God, you've got to face some unpleasant aspects of yourself. Like the aspect of yourself that created priests that rape little boys, whose denial of their own craven lust for control spills out into orgasmic inversion of the process which creates life itself by corrupting young souls instilled with enough guilt to think they deserve it. But to a God, isn't everything an idea? Isn't God beyond pain and pleasure? Are not the angels immortal? What if they, like certain people on Earth, engage in pain for pleasure? What if to them, sex isn't nearly enough. What if they spend their days carving orifices into each others' bodies, new places to stick things, writhing in the divine drive to discover new ways to penetrate the unknown? Just as sexual repression causes men to create new orifices in humans with bladed weapons, do immortals engage in semi-corporeal exploration of each other in such a manner, being closer to the divine, and not as controlled by taboo?

And who is to say they can't? Who is to say that demons and/or angels who stab each other for pleasure can't engage in such an activity? Just because it's abhorrent to mortals, if one is God, can he not create creatures which do what he desires of them?

Of course, chances are, even if you realize you're God, even the idea that you manifested someone who would even write about such horrors mentioned is a scary thought. You might even retreat back into being a human, the prospect of facing what it truly means to be God filling you with such horror. Back to having no control over your future. Back to where this is all a delusion. Chalking it all up to insanity, sweet insanity. No, it is much more comfortable to consider thoughts of being God as insane. Back to the consensus reality. Back to sweet ignorance, another life as a mortal, assured of his inferiority and separation from that which is external to himself.

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