Two years ago today I did the scariest thing ever and got married.
Two years of marriage, but many more years of laughter, tears, parenthood, debt, devotion, and so much more. He has seen me through so many hard times and I him. We have fought, oh how we have fought! Throwing dishes and eyes like daggers but at the end of the day, there is still love. To believe that it is all wedded bliss is to be foolish indeed. What matters is what your heart feels at the end of the day. His father said to me on our wedding day, "Don't go to bed angry, and you'll both be fine" and I've taken that to heart.
I could not imagine my life in any other way today. I could not have imagined I would ever get to this point, but here I am. And I am happy. So maybe this marriage thing isn't so scary after all...
One night many moons ago, I was sixteen. My best friend at the time, John,
whom I called Mickey because of his uncanny similarity to Mickey Dolenz of
the Monkees, and got everyone else to call him that too, decided we should
go drinking in the cemetary. Because the next day was report card day, and
he was failing math, and figured this would be his last hurrah for a while.
Anyway. We went and he brought along his friends, Shawn and Jason and I brought along my friend Lisa. I had to lead everyone through
this trail that goes along behind the cemetary because John is deathly
afraid of spiders and I had to "clear out the webs". True story. We get to
this spot under a willow tree and John proceeds to get very, very drunk.
I had never met Shawn before, he seemed quiet but nice. Blue eyes to die
for, tall lanky boy. Jason I had met before, more's the pity. He tried to get
me drunk. And failed miserably.
John got drunk out of his tree. He tripped over everything, apologised to
grave stones, and lit the wrong end of at least three cigarettes before
finally giving up. By this time Jason and Lisa were busy talking it up (poor
Lisa, she was too nice to tell him to go, so she just kept listening
to him). Meanwhile it was time to go home. So Shawn and I got a hold of each
side of John and practically had to carry him.
About halfway there, we passed by a house with a really magnificent garden.
In the garden were tons of daffodils. We of course got on the conversation
and I mentioned I really loved daffodils, I wasn't sure why I just liked
their shape and their look and their smell. We kept walking and talking and
carrying John. We reached a corner and he said "wait a minute, I have to do
something" And he threw John in my arms. I figured he had to pee or
somethin, right? So anyway, he comes backa few minutes later and hands me a
I was so pleased. I was smiling the whole way home. I put the daffodil in a
book to press it.
Shawn and I never got together then. Things were hinted at and mentioned and
rumored but nothing ever came of it. Actually, the night he was going to ask
me out, some other boy did instead and I said yes. And after that it was
just a series of bad timing and one or the other or both having an SO in the
So then I break up with someone, its a nasty break up leaving me feeling
pretty damn raw and scared. Anyway, he's still going out with this girl
Tanya, whom I end up living with for a year (the same year she breaks up
with Shawn and Shawn and I get together, oh man is *THAT* a story). I'm of
course infatuated with him but I don't know what to do. So I let things be.
Move in with Tanya and my friend Erin (who is dating my friend John).
At this point I am noticing a mutual attraction between Shawn and I (well it
had been going on for some time, I just kept lying to myself about it). But
I don't want to do anything to jeopardize his relationship, even though she
was screwing around on him with his best friend at the time. He and she
finally broke up. I was there on that day. So he said he was coming back that night with John to go out and
celebrate. He came back and we all got drunk and he ended up spending the
night in my bed, but I swear to God nothing sexual happened. We ended up
talking all hours of the night. He stayed the whole weekend.
Then he called me on Tuesday and told me he couldn't stop thinking about me.
I told him that I really liked him, but I wanted him to wait things out and
I wanted to give him space. I told him I would wait for whatever decision he
had to make, but I wouldn't wait forever. He told me he didn't need time. He had been thinking and the
only conclusion he was coming to was that there was only one woman for him,
and her name was Grace. Then I hung up the phone because I didn't know what
else to do.
This leaves me feeling so confused, and scared and happy all at
once. I didn't know what to think. Because there was something about the
look in his eye. So I sort of clean things up a bit and I'm crying because I
am emotionally overwrought. I'm alone in the house Tanya had gone home for
the weekend and Erin was at a late class. I start shuffling things around
and this book, "FireStarter", a hardcover of the King novel, falls off the
shelf. This book falls off the shelf and lays open to what page? A page with
that very daffodil on it. And it lay there, mocking me as if to say I knew
all along this would happen.
And we got together the very next weekend.
I still have that daffodil.