It's the end of another long day and I wish I could come back to you right now, but work is keeping me. It shouldn't take too long though, so I hope there won't be much more waiting before I can see you again.

Right now I'm waiting for my source to sync, then all I have to do is start a build before I can start the drive home.

I realize it's been a long time since I last wrote you. I hope you realize I love you just as much as ever, if not more. You've certainly been working very hard getting the house in order. That's really appreciated. It's too bad we have our little disagreements sometimes, but that doesn't change how important you are too me. Small things are easy to forget.

This sync is taking a long time, so I seem to have a lot of time to spare. Hmm, unfortunately, I seem to have run out of things to say. I guess I'll just leave it at that and go browse the rest of Everything2 until my sync is done.

Can't wait to be home!

Everything2 is a beautiful thing.

As of this date I've been a member of E2 for 2.7 years now according to my homenode. In 2.7 years I've written around 17 nodes, 13 of which have survived, 3 of which have been cooled.
I would dearly love to contribute more to this great seething mass of ideas and information, but I find it very hard to do.

The main trouble has been finding time. Noding takes a great deal of effort for someone like me and until recently I have been very hard pressed to find this time.
I love reading E2. Expanding my mind, assimilating other peoples opinions and ideas and thoughts, reading about this and that, adding to my knowledge of things I find interesting. Adding to the weird knowledge that's already floating around in my head.
E2 has introduced me to worlds I never suspected existed, and I thank all of you.
I find it hard to express my ideas in writing and it's not a little intimidating reading the great writeups of so many quality minds at work. How can I possibly live up to their standard? There are many nodes here that are, put simply, brilliant.

But I have a plan.

It sortof occured to me when reading The Revolutionary Pleasure of Thinking for Yourself. I ask myself these questions:
What do I have to contribute?
Is it worth contributing? Will others find it interesting/informative/thought provoking?
How can I contribute this?

What I have to contribute is the things that I know about -- my hobbies, my work, my experiences.
So I looked at it, my job- processing & assessing medical insurance claims. Medicine is a broad field, there's a lot of information I could present.

So where to begin?

I've decided that I'll start making notes about things in a little notebook. Sortof like a diary, things that happen to me and things that I find interesting in my day, then I might node them if they're not already.

I've decided to start writing more daylogs now to help develop my ability, to get a feel for a good node and also because I like writing about my day.

It's not that much, but it's a step in the right direction I think.

The real life log part begins here.
Avert your eyes, children! He may take on other forms!

I have a habit of saying stupid things to girls that I like.
Like telling them I miss them. I've been stressing to fuck for the last few hours because I told my interest I missed her. She hasn't replied yet and my stomach has obviously been out at a party or something because it's a lot more active than it should be.
The worst thing is, I meant it, but I meant it in my innocent way. I want to yell "I dont mean it like that". I'm such a novice when it comes to the ways of people, especially in relationships.

Life is simple, until you introduce it to the heart.

You know what I thought the other night when I got a message from her?
"Oh shit, I remember this feeling."
It's been more than 6 months... not many people interest me in that way.

Life is a state of mind.
If you think that things are going well, then they are, and you're happy.
If you think they're going badly, then they're that, and you're miserable.
All you have to do to be happy is think that everything's cool. This is a lot harder than it seems.
I have to remember how to just chill.

I've also discovered that I may be hypoglycemic.
My family has a slight history of diabetes/related disorders. I've got a lot of the common indicators. I don't know though. I think I will go to the doctor and have a blood test. I've never had one. Not since I was in intensive care with croup when I was 3.
My only worry is the amount of drugs they might find in my system.

My supervisor at work gave me some killer drum n bass set cds to copy today too. Yay :)

I wrote this email to a selection of my address book after getting up this morning, September 10, 2003

Friends and family,

I had hoped to write my first big email from Israel in happier circumstances, but you know what i'm like with getting emails written.

Some of you knew within a few moments, while this may be the first thing others of you will have heard. But last night there was a terrorist attack just a little way from where I live at Café Hillel on Emek Refaim - one of my favourite hangouts for evenings in Jerusalem. Emek Refaim is in a great area of Jerusalem, modern and attractive with some of the lowest levels of political and religious tensions in Jeruslem, and home to many English-speaking immigrants. and Café Hillel is (or was) the best example of this. A shiny, non-Starbucksy, moderately-priced coffee and food outlet, with inside and outside seating. Glass-fronted, stylised mock-Parisian branding, waiters in black logo'd t-shirts and red aprons. and, unlike its closest rival on Emek Refaim, it has kashrut supervsion, which means that it is patronised by both the religious and the secular.

This being the case, it wasn't surprising that, on the evening of my third day of full yeshiva study, I was there at the time it was attacked, drinking my second cup of tea with a big bunch of nana (spearmint) in it, with Naomi, a friend of mine.

I think we were very near to the blast, perhaps 5 or 6 metres, but I think the walls of the cafe must have blocked it from where we were sitting at the front of the outdoors section, as we didn't feel it, apart from some of the heat. but we saw the burst of fire and heard the boom. I tripped over whilst running away from the scene, and scraped my hands on shattered glass, and so after being taken in by a nearby family and having called Naomi's cousin, we went to hospital for my hands and Naomi's shock to be treated.

so, apart from little bits of glass in my hands and an after-concert effect in one ear, i'm physically fine. I think I'm mentally fine too. I didn't really see anything apart from the flash of fire and people running, so not too many bad images are going round in my head.

A big thankyou to all those who called, IM'ed and emailed (or sent their doctor son-in- law who works at the hospital) last night to check up on me and send their best wishes, as well as my flatmates who stayed up until early this morning with me. It really meant a huge deal to me.

of course, this changes nothing. whether i'm safe by 3m or by a few days or by two streets along, etc. (as is anyone who goes on a bus, the centre of town, the market, cafes, major roads...) makes little difference to me, as the future dangers remain the same. this is how i understand the world. and i've been crossing the busy road outside the yeshiva too.

and peace will come. someday soon, young palestinians won't be taken in by the murderous doctrines of Hamas and their kind, if only because they will have nothing to gain and a full life in their own land to lose.

so stay in touch, and be safe.

l'shanah briyah, tovah, umetukah tikatevu
(may you be written for a healthy, good and sweet year)

Tim.