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So I awoke from a nap and walked into my kitchen and saw Ben's sister, Rachel, in front of the stove. She says, "Would anyone care for some pineapple?" and hands me a pot full of boiling water, which burns my hands.

As I'm applying Neosporin to my burns and cuts, she rushes out of the room, picks up the phone, and calls someone, supposedly this boy from the remedial class who is in my driver's ed class. He's this dirty, filthy boy who is highly unattractive, and above all, stupid. And she is speaking in Spanish to him, and she says, "Está bien! Ven aquí, tú cosa caliente!" which translates to "It's okay! Come here, you hot thing!" After a while, I look out on the front porch, and there they are making out. I come outside and ask her what is going on and why is she at my house, and she tells me that she is waiting for their mom to bring Ben over so that he and I can work on our project for health class.

The remedial boy (here-on out known as Moron Boy) is wrapping rubberbands around her neck, which is causing her head to swell to an incredibly large size. Eventually the swelling goes away, and my English teacher shows up with Ben, and he and I work on our project for my health class. I'm doing this large scale production diagram of the penis. And he is telling me about the time he got a vasectomy when he was 5. I ask why, and he tells me about how his seminal vessicle wasn't working right and I tell him that that doesn't have much to do with cutting the vas deferens. He then says something to me along the lines of, "Fried and white? OK! Brown and pasty? UH-OH!" My dad comes in and starts talking about his vasectomy and so on, and then Moron Boy comes back inside with Rachel and they tie Moron Boy to the refrigerator and beat the living crap out of him, and Ben says, "This is what you get for ejaculating into the water fountains at school!" and I then wake up.

I'm sitting around my dorm room (it's a nostalgic dream, perhaps?) watching Star Trek with my friends. Then one by one they start getting up to leave - had to be somewhere, homework to do, didn't like the show, whatever. Finally I realize I'm all alone. The episode ends with (I shit you not) Mr. Data lighting himself on fire - cut to credits.

Then someone knocks on my door - this is an emotionally charged moment, because my dorm room is (and apparently has been the entire time) filled with an impenetrable cloud of pot smoke. My friends let themselves in, which means it's either a traveling salesman or the RA come to bust my ass in yet another inscrutable act of authoritarianism. But I open it anyway, and it's a seven foot tall black man in a leopard skin suit with about 20 pounds of gold on. "Yo, word," he says. He's there to take me to the king of the drug dealers. It feels vaguely like I might be in some kind of trouble, but whatever it is, it's very important. I grab my coat and we head out the front of the dorm and directly into a white stretched benz limousine with hip-hop blaring through the closed windows loud enough that I'm sure they can hear it the next quad over.

The car's got a red leather interior trimmed with fur and lights everywhere, and it's actually got some kind of drug laboratory inside. It's absolutely packed to the gills with thugs and prostitutes. It's easily as big as a bus inside but it's impossibly crowded. Then we're roaring all over the roads, the car is bouncing, and shit is flying all over the place. A beaker filled with some bubbling green liquid flies out of a rack and breaks, and at this point I lean to the criminal sitting next to me and point. "Don't worry," he says, "it's just for show."

So then all of a sudden we're in this big room, like something out of Scarface, with a fountain and a chandelier. It occurs to me that I must have been blindfolded at some point along the trip. A couple of huge men in pimp suits lead me to the throne room. And there's Ross Perot on this enormous throne, except he's black, he's a Rastafarian, and he has fucking gigantic hair.

He talks like Ross, though. "Look here, son, let me tell you what, we have finally done it - we've invented the PERFECT DRUG - and it's mandatory for all US citizens under the age of 21. Here you go, boy, all yours."

And one of these pimp-soldier guys has a silvery red-button-of-doom-style briefcase and he opens it up. There's a lot of foam padding and a vial of dark green liquid inside. I look up and notice that the pimp-guy is Arnold Schwarzenegger, reprising his role as the chairman of the President's Council on Physical Fitness.

"What does it do?" I ask.

"It makes everything real," Arnold drawls. Which has to be the creepiest thing I've ever heard, and I decide not to take it, even though it's obvious they're going to make me.

And then... I woke up.

  • Ever fight crime with a slurpee powered lightsaber? Last night, I did. The damn thing didn't work right, either. It kept running out of power (slurpee), forcing me to go back into the house to refill it with more orange flavored slurpee. The fact that the base of the lightsaber was a 40 oz. paper cup didn't help much either.

    My partner in crime fighting (my boss) was lucky. He had the real thing. He didn't need a cup, and his was powered by lime slurpee. Unfortunately, he was lazy, and didn't show up to kick ass until the very end. And once the ass was kicked, I realized that I wasn't fighting crime at all, but watching a movie.

  • In the new home, there were security cameras in each room. Each and every room. I was going to throw a sock over the one in mine, but I didn't have any socks.

  • Taking the course Breakfast 101, being offered by an old Army drill instructor.

  • I broke into my old dorm. I was able to enter by going through one of two backdoors into the basement. People were looking at me weird, but that was to be expected, I suppose. The basement was relatively quiet, but the first floor was holding some type of dinner event. I entered the elevator and went to the floor where I used to live. Before being able to enter my old room, I chickened out, ran back to the elevator, and got out of the building as quickly as possible, worrying whether or not I tripped any of the security alarms.
So, here I am, walking out of school into the parking lot, when I realized that something was wrong. I have no idea what, but I see lots of kids walking out of the school, and they all look flabbergasted. Anyway, I see this one girl I know, who helps me break into a teacher's car, and then hotwire it. I jump inside the shotgun seat, and I start looking for my girlfriend. I figure we have 5 seats available, so I invite this one bodyboarding kid in, and his friend, plus this other kid. Also, I invite in this kid who is on my bus, plus one of his friends. Then, I realized that my girlfriend doesn't go to my school. Doh!

We pull out, and go towards the exit of the school, onto the highway. There is a police blockade there however, with one cop with a sign that says "Present your School I.D.". I look over, and the bodyboarding kid is there, driving with an orange painter's cap on. I tell him to floor it, hoping to avoid the police and get the hell out of there. We zoom past, And I hear the policeman say "two-twenty-eight out of Shore Regional High School".

We get past them, and by that time the highway has now turned into a one lane narrow road, surrounded by fields of wheat on either side. A cop car, flashing it's lights, appears behind us. The kid next to me freaks out, and I guide the steering wheel over to the passenger side, and tell him to work the pedals. The view of the car shifts to a action movie type chase camera, as I swerve off the road, into the wheat, and back on again. We go up a hill, and make a sharp right into someone's yard, which, IIRC is actually a ballet school near my high school.

The cops keep going straight and we all breathe a sigh of relief. However, as I attempt to turn us back onto the road, the car flips and explodes. part of the car goes flying, as the other part just slides sideways along the ground. I climb out of the wreckage unharmed, as does everyone else except the guy in the driver's seat, whom I see crawl out of some weeds. We see some Amish guy come out of the house decked in all the normal amish attire, who surveys the situation and quickly goes back inside.

We follow him in, and then meet his daughters, who are all fairly nice looking, but some of them are too young for me. There are about 5 of them, dressed in non-Amish attire, ranging in ages from 13-18. They tell us they think he went upstairs. We ask them if they think he will call the cops, but they aren't sure. We run upstairs with them to stop him if that was his intention.

As we ascend the stairs, we see the walls covered in green and purple halloween paintings, while the steps have little ghosts all over them. We go into the Amish guys room, and the bodyboarding kid starts hitting on the 13-year-old girl. I say to him "Dude, her dad is up here!" and he promptly stops.

We see her dad come into view, but its not an Amish guy anymore. In fact, it is my friend's stepdad, who is a heavy metal guitarist. We ask him if he is going to call the cops and he says no, then takes out his guitar and does a wicked guitar solo, with lots of distortion. I ask him how he got those effects and he said he used a BOSS bass distortion pedal. Then I woke up. Pretty freaky, huh?


This dream took place in about an hour, from 9:30 AM EST, to 10:30 AM EST.

Last night I dreamt about Everything. Actually, the past two nights I did.

I imagine this is pretty common among new noders like me, like how you dream about Tetris or The Sims when you play it. I would guess the effect is much like the first time playing Wolfenstein 3D, (or any other more recent shooter game) and when you walk away the walls and floor seem to spin, or you feel the swaying motion the character makes when he jogs.

I dreamt about clicking on links, and learning new things. I dreamt about making new nodes, but now I cant remember what I made them about (drats!).

But I suppose I should admit, this hasnt only happened in my sleep. The past two days, in conversations with people, simply walking down the street, etc., I have made the connection with Everything. Imagining clicking on a link, or as a specific example: walking through my gangway, the proximity of the tall walls stretching in front of me, approaching each other in an optical parallax, breifly reminded me of the two columns of a node with multiple write ups that appear on my screen.

I suppose this writeup will serve as a marker. Maybe someday I can come back to it and remember how crazy it really was to first start experiencing Everything. Maybe some of you will identify, and be nostalgic...

or maybe I'm just crazy.

I dreampt that I had my Philips Velo, which was a Windows CE palmtop from about 4 years ago. I had actually lost it about a year after I had it, but in the dream I had it again. In class some girl picks it up and snaps it right in half. I tell her she's going to have to pay for it, and she reaches into her pocket book, says "damn, that thing must have been expensive" and hands me 10 hundred dollar bills. So here I am with $1000 for a broken organizer which would have been worthless even if it still worked. Sadly my mom woke me up before I managed to spend the money on cool shit.

Woah.

Vivid, vivid dreams.

kanon42 and I, waking from the first full, un-alarm-interrupted night's sleep we've had in many days, both recalled vivid, lucid, incredibly complex and intricate dreams. We're not sure what caused them -- perhaps simply that we're finally catching up on much-needed REM-time, perhaps the multivitamins we took before bed... or perhaps the mushrooms on the pizza last night weren't quite kosher. In any event, wow.

I was crawling through the home of a psychiatrist I used to see, in Northampton, MA. Every room had chandeliers so low as to nearly touch the floor, and I was following Dr. P. around, attempting to crawl/limbo/duck underneath them. Dr. P. didn't have any trouble -- he could just walk around normally.

In another dream, I was at a candle factory, again crawling around, this time on a catwalk above a vat of hot wax. I was in no particular fear of falling -- instead, this was a pleasurable thing -- I was inhaling the smell of the wax, a sweet, pumpkin-pie scent. Every few minutes, a chinese gong would sound, and the vat would spin, causing the wax to splash over the sides. This was my cue to pour new wax in from a M&M bag I was holding.

I'm driving around New York City -- from the back seat. (For some reason, I have a lot of dreams where I'm attempting to drive from the driver-side back seat, which is somewhat odd, considering as a child I always rode in the passenger front seat, and never the back.) The West Side Highway was mobbed, but I was driving over most of the cars, and swerving in and out of various on- and off-ramps that continually appeared and disappeared. At some point, the car disappeared. I knew that I had to get rid of a camera battery I was holding before I could get the car back, and so I found kanon42 and gave it to her. The car reappears, but now it's a motorcycle with a bedsheet on it. I tear the sheet off, and it's the car again.

What a night!

I had a dream last night and I thought in the dream that I would node it in the morning. However, this is the only part of the dream that I can remember now, and I find it kind of...pathetic that I would have a dream and realize that I should be noding it. As for the rest of the dream, there was no sex, drugs might have been involved and I think travel was involved somehow. :)
I remembered a new detail! I was shopping at a new lingerie store that put Victoria's Secrets to shame. And in one part I was on an airplane, and we were flying around in between all kinds of skyscrapers and the like.

(Note: This dream is a cheesy rip-off of the movie Ghost, but having a dream isn't infringement of intellectual property.. I hope)

We were just walking around talking. I don't remember what we were talking about, because I don't have any sound in my dreams. I'll have to call tech support later. Anyway, we had stopped in an alley, and I realized how surreally dark it was. I could have sworn just a second ago it was bright and cheery. It happened like a flash of light. I wasn't sure what happened. I looked into her eyes, and the weird darkness seemed to soak into them. And then it hit me. She was shot. She's dying. Oh my God, what do I do?! I carried her in my arms, trying to find someone, anyone. There were no houses, no people. Panicking, I ran faster and faster until I found a house. Nobody was home, there were no phones, I didn't know what to do. I looked into her eyes, and they were fixed on mine, even though they were getting darker every second. But she was smiling. I sat down and buried my head in my hands.

I felt like I had lost the best friend I ever had. I looked up and she was gone. Odd. I ran around this house I had never been in before, but I couldn't find her. I was about to leave, when a bright flash of light nearly blinded me even as my back was to it. I turned around, my eyes in pain from the brilliance, and she was standing there. Smiling. Was it the smile that caused such brilliance? I tried to touch her, but she wasn't really there. Like a ghost. Then darkness...

Cop & Reality Code

  • In an underground city, I get pulled over by a cop and harassed a bit. He likes to mess with young hippy students.

  • A hypnagogic vision. Before me is a page of words and phrases, mostly nouns, all unrelated. Some have negative connotations, some positive. Each clause is bracketed as if it were a page on E2. I learn that it's a language equation for the universe. All the items in the list average out to a single, unified definition of reality, the cosmic source code. The vision is a lesson on how to tweak the code.

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