I suppose everyone has had to take a core class (required class) at some point in their life.. in high school, and it's a rather painful thing for some because it may be the only class you take with people who are not even capable of reading Dick, Jane, & Spot books or calculating their grade point average with instructions how and a calculator.

When I began to take my driver's ed class, I was more pleased to have the privilege to choose my seat in the classroom, but once several other unintelligent sophomores began to demonstrate the "un" part in unintelligent, assigned seats were given. This was the day that I met Moron Boy. His real name was Patrick and he was in the remedial class. He didn't talk much, so he didn't bother me on any severe level. That was, until he found out who I was. I was Aimee and I was from the honors class. I didn't bother him much, until he found who I was. This social class difference really had the same effect on both of us. We didn't speak to each other, and when speaking of me, he referred to me as Nerd Girl.

I started writing down things that he said, and I finally made this cumulative list. What's odd is none of these things he says are complete non sequiturs to the situation we are in.

Teacher: "Where should we be dating.."
M.B.: "At a gas station!"

"I gotta hole the size of a *singing** Jingle bells jingle bells jingle all the way!"

"You fuck carrots?"

"How come she say 'whale' and she no get in trouble!"

(singing) "Pinto beans and jack off me!"

M.B.: "I work at Benjamin's, you know where that is?"
Me: (shaking head)
M.B.: "You should! I fuck your boyfriend!"
Me: (wide-eyed and cringing)
M.B.: "$10.45 an hour!"

"Bitch--crying! The only thing you're crying is tear wax!"

Some guy: "They hired me for Black Friday!"
M.B.: "That's racist!"

REAL funny
(About traffic lights) "And when the light turns purple--there ain't no such thing!"

"(imitating accelerating engine) Somebody is doing 75 in the Patrick zone!"

"Has anyone ever put 'Fuck You' on the back of your shirt? Someone did that to me yesterday! Someone said, 'Fuck You!' and I said, 'What?!' and they said, 'It's written on the back of your shirt!'"

"We got markers flying!"

"Somebody got a leaky ire doo da doo da Your mother has an ass oh the doo da day" - New lyrics to Camptown Races

{to a hippo sticker} "Die! You fat ugly pussycat!"

"How many things on your body do you crack? I crack my knuckles, my toes, my neck, but mostly my dick! Hey that rhymes! Maybe I should be a poet like that guy who writes those Hallmark books!"

M.B.: "I'll knock you out!"
Me: "Why?"
M.B.: "Because your boyfriend is hot! We had gay doing it. He's a fag. Sorry. *thinking* So am I."

"Today! We poked a hole in a Gatorade bottle! It was so much fun!"

I'm going to have zero babies when I grow up. I can't stand having babies in my stomach. I've already had one. Put it up for adoption!"

Put that down! I already had sex with that pencil!"

"And when you have shoes like that, you can (voice trailing off as if he is jumping out of a plane) Limmmmboooooooo"

*singing* "Ain't pickin' that thang from your thong!"

M.B.: "People dating are gonna have missy pants?"
Me: "What the heck?"
M.B.: "Missy pants."
Me: *looking at paper* ... "Misunderstandings."

"Get the door, Mr. Whore!"

"Rewind the gold, Ho!"

"Suck my bookmark!"

Me: "When we present our project, you will read this very last part about how to prevent contracting syphilis."
M.B.: "I'm not gonna read!"
Me: "Why not?"
M.B.: "Why you gotta make me read? I can't talk in front of this big class. I can't even talk in front of a cockatoo!"

(yelling with sudden pauses in a sing-song manner) "Break! Me off! A piece! Of that! Kit! Kat! Bar!"

"I'm getting sick... WOAH BABY!"

"Don't touch my diet!"

(looking out window in door) "They got a big sailboat out there! We need a big break!"

"Old MacDonald had a book E-I-E-U-O and in that book he had some sex E-U-P-Q-R with a fuck fuck there and a fuck fuck here here a fuck there a fuck everywhere a fuck fuck"

"Gettin' a little raw on Dallas."

"Tonight I'm bustin' me some boys down behind Food Lion.. gots to get me Lions!"

"My prostate?! I don't own a prostate! I live in the state of South Carolina!"

"I'll bet you have a stomach organism."

"When in Rome, do me like the Romans do."

"Why don't you just go down to the library and RENT one?!" - talking about an ambulance

(singing) "I'm gonna go home and I'm gonna fuck in people's houses!"

"That'd be fun to build a house.. I do everything outside. Tear roofs off homes and fish!"

"I like playing.. with my hammer!"

"I'd hate to contact a spiro-shit." (meant to say "I'd hate to contract a spirochete")

"God bless Jews!"

"{name} has a 22" dick!" (wha-?)

(singing) "SEX! SEX! SEX IS IN THE BOOK!"

"Label me like lesbians!"

"You can stick it in her Virginia!"

"I broke my wrist one time--it was kinda funny!"

Teacher: "Guys are like microwaves and girls are like pressure cookers."
Moron Boy: "Well you can just pop me in the microwave because I like being hot."

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