Actually, most of my co-workers are unbelievably annoying. This one's just egregiously so. Also, people who go to "Bob" for advice of any sort instantly lose any respect that I might have otherwise had for them.

  1. Bob is like moss growing on a log. All he does is hang out (in sweatpants) and bullshit with people, but he says that working here is a "horrific experience." He does nothing. He knows nothing. I can't believe that this company actually pays him. It's a cushy job, and he manages to evade working and responsibility, regardless. Does he bother with learning, wiith bettering himself, with advancing his knowledge (okay, getting some knowledge?) Nah. He likes to complain, full-time.
  2. He didn't know anything about investing; had never done it before. After he opened an account with Fidelity and bought some shares of one stock at the age of 30, he thought he was an expert and never shut up about it. The funny thing was, people were constantly coming to him for advice, which illustrates that regardless of intelligence, experience, or correct information, there shall always be at least a few assholes to believe you.
  3. He likes Britney Spears and N'Sync.
  4. He prefaces his comments to his (female) manager with "Dude, man..." and "Yo!..." Swear to God.
  5. He says "Awww yeaah" about ninety times an hour.
  6. He blind-transfers customer calls to me, so I have a confused client say "Uh...I was just talking with this guy..."
  7. He actually talks to clients with his mouth full. As in, while eating. It's true.


"I like bands like, you know, like Creed, Green Day - fuckin' psycho bands like that."

other idiot co-worker "Dude, should I get a nice car, or save my money for other things?"
Bob: "Fuck it, man - you gotta live. You don't have a wife, or kids, man."
oicw: "I was thinking of getting a BMW...but my uncle told me that if you need a car to get a girl, there's a problem."
Bob: "It's the ultimate driving machine. The chick, not the car."

"I look at this (working here) as such a valuable learning experience1. But I'm disgruntled in a creative way, not a destructive way."

"Some days I feel SUVish. I like the fact that you can pack shit in 'em."

My favorite. This one cracks me up, it's so stupid.
"Everyone likes to wallow in their own shit, forever. And I'm sitting back like, this is awesome. Awesome."

"Don't you love watching the MTV spring breaks?"

"I'd rather be learning stuff hardcore. I need the know, the knowledge. Yeah, I have to do it myself but I'm not getting the backing. I'm not getting the love from the company. And the morale around this place is like, crap." ---> he expects love from the company? He wants to be spoon-fed like a baby, is what he wants. Learning stuff hardcore? What a fucking load of crap.

"This company has abused its people to the point where they're like battered wives. You know, I feel like a P.O.W."

(a co-worker asks "Bob" what kind of stocks he has)
B: "Dude, stocks you've never fucking heard of."
"How do you know about them?"
B: "Research, man."

Note that Bob has referred to working here as a "horrific experience." They could be the same thing - but I'm here to testify that Bob doesn't learn.

Maybe some of you think that Bob sounds all right. But you're not me, you don't have to sit near the guy five days a week. Oh, and he's from Jersey.

Bob has never seen Star Wars.

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