Today was the day I read Al Gore called the situation in Florida "Kafkaesque" - and despite the fact I think Gore has been acting like a dork, I would much prefer having a President who knows who Kafka is. Dubya most likely thinks Franz Kafka is the dictator of some obscure Balkan country we need to bomb.

Today in Tampa the air is still wet but there's a nice breeze and even though it's a bit warm I've opened all the windows in the house.

I've been on pager duty this weekend with all the attendant anxiety. The sick feeling in the stomach knowing this thing can go off at any moment and suck my Sunday away with it.

These are the times I feel furthest away from God. My consciousness gets filled up with worry about useless things and I end up feeling trapped and hating myself. Of course I couldn't go to mass this morning because of the pager.

Even worse, I'm smoking again - and when my wife and daughters leave the house I go out to the shed like a silly adolescent. I must look like the piano player in Reefer Madness when he shut himself in the closet for a fix.