The long-distance relationship
(LDR) has many advantages and disadvantages. Generally, unless this is The One
it is best avoided. But at some point most of us will meet a person who is or seems to be so sexy
that the disadvantages will be temporarily obscured, and an LDR will ensue. Thus I offer the following suggestions.
1) Get a really good long-distance calling plan. A plan that offers unlimited
calling for a low monthly rate
is best. When the LDR is good, you will no doubt want to call your loved one everytime you have a good day (or a bad day) or learn something new; in fact, you will want to call everytime you breath
. When it is bad, you will want to call to be reassured that it is not bad, or to fight
. These phone calls will add up to lots of money
, and a big phone bill
arriving after you have broken-up will cause bitterness
. (Damn, I could have called people I like
2) Get used to long periods of abstinence
followed by a brief weekends of having tons of sex
with a person you barely know
anymore. Actually, this isn't unlike my normal state of being
except that when you are in a LDR, you know that there is someone you could be having sex with regularly but for the cruel facts of geography
. And if an opportunity to have sex with a stranger arises, you will have to say no
, or suffer from guilt
which will erode the LDR. And remember, even if your loved one is thousands of miles away, it is a small world
. You will get caught!
3) If you can develop an enjoyment of suffering
than you will love being in an LDR! Learn to brood
, wear black clothing
to signify your dispair and always remember to share your pain with friends
. Because they care they will want to listen to long accountings of how great your long-distance love is, and how painful
the seperation is to you. If they don't, then they aren't your real friends. If at the demise of the LDR you find yourself without friends, well this will suit your new, darker personality. After all, we all die alone
in the end.
Final note: If possible, try to have an open relationship
. This will allow you the freedom
to sleep with other people without the above mentioned guilt. And since your loved one is far, far away, you probably won't have to actually meet any of the people s/he dated in your absence.