I did not care that it might not work. I did not care that it might work too well. Here, I said. This is me, I said, and then I talked for hours
, for days, without pause.
Words words words me me me why why why. Are you getting ideas yet, Jason? Are you getting the picture? I did not even know if he could hear me. Maybe my words were just words to him, like I was stringing them together on a long breathless mission. Hello?
(I was trying to show him my insides, you know. I like to share.)
That I didn't know if he could see me should have been proof enough. It was not so much that he did or did not see me, but that he chose to pretend there was no difference between the two. Did not matter if I was vulnerable or half-terrified or fighting mad. Expendable, refusing to admit it.