I'm sorry, but I just can't leave this one alone.

Another strategy: you could learn to write well, and forget all of the dubious advice you've seen above about how to "fake it". Yes, I am aware that SoberSephiroth is in heavy ironic mode (at least I hope he is). Just in case anybody missed this, here it is for the record: none of the above will work if the person grading your paper knows how to write. If you taking an English course at a decent university, the odds are that this is the case. At the first sign that the above techniques are working, you should drop the course as soon as possible, because (a) your professor is an idiot, or (b) said professor is too busy with his or her research to be paying attention to what you're writing, or (worse) is farming out the grading to harried grad students who have no time and don't care.

My seminal experience in learning to write well was in English 201, part one of a 2-course requirement for potential English majors. The professor was a protégé of Paul de Man, and was (as one might expect) extremely tough on the written word. Papers would come back marked up everywhere, using most of the available margin real estate, and with your argument torn to bits in a handwritten page of commentary on the back. None of this was done in a malicious or holier-than-thou way, but rather as intense, constructive feedback. On a few papers I think he wrote more than I did. What he was doing, I realized after the fact, was trying to teach us to write at an academic level. Trying to help us eliminate, in other words, any last vestiges of the bullshit techniques enumerated in the above writeups. Techniques that irresponsible secondary school teachers would sometimes reinforce and encourage by rewarding them with A's.

This professor also believed in writing as a process, so students were encouraged to submit multiple drafts. One day I got a draft back for a paper on an Andrew Marvell poem where he had eliminated an entire paragraph (or was it two?). Just crossed them out. They were valid points, but they weren't germane to the argument, so they were sent packing. Nobody had ever done that to something I'd written before. As they say in the Zen parables: at that moment, I was enlightened.

Another anecdote: as part of the same English program, I took a course taught by Toni Morrison. At one point she told us a story about the process of writing Beloved. She sat down and plugged away at the first chapter, and after a week she has fifteen pages of good material. Then she worked on it for another week, and the fifteen pages become ten. Then eight, then five. The more she worked, the smaller (albeit better) it became. She found this to be a bit distressing, but a friend consoled her: "look at it this way, in a few months you'll have the perfect opening sentence."

Good (expository) writing isn't about flowery language, the inflation of phrases with excess verbiage or the pursuit of banal tropes. It's about communicating good, complex ideas well using the written word. For most writers, even internationally-recognized Nobel-Prize-winning great writers, it is as much about paring, editing, clarifying and throwing out as it is about thinking and producing. The reason you avoid the passive voice, for example, is not because English professors have a strange fetish for the active one; it's because "The English major composed the writeup" is less cumbersome and easier to understand than "The writeup was composed by the person whose chosen major was English".

"Choose a thesis that your professor/teacher cannot disprove" "Symbolism can never be disproven, either"

You have an idea, and you support that idea with rhetoric and examples. I can't "prove" to you that Hamlet's inaction is rooted in his feelings for his mother or that Clarissa Dalloway is lost in a world of evolving modern social structures or even that Ahab is monomaniacal. I can only make an argument and then mine the text for bits that support that argument. If you intentionally choose to argue something that is "unprovable" because it has no basis in the text then you are most likely just running around in verbal circles spouting gibberish, and your grade should reflect that. If it doesn't then you should hurry up and get another English teacher, because you're not learning a thing.