Today would have been her 23rd birthday.

I called her mom to tell her I was thinking of her ... I'm always thinking about her. She said thank you, and that she really appreciated me remembering, and then she got real quiet and had to get off of the phone.

It's hard. It's been just over a year now since my best friend in the whole fucking world died ... I dreamt about her last night. She was playing volleyball in heaven in a huge stadium with thousands of screaming, smiling people and kids. She was wearing her college jersey.

Sometimes I think I've moved on, that I've made my peace and grieved enough, and that I'm okay with just having her spirit around ... just having her as my guardian angel. But then there are days like today when her memory is so intense and her feeling so strong that every time I think about her my eyes well up with tears and I get this knot in my stomach that just won't go away and it gets hard to breathe ... just like right now.

Damn it, Jen. I miss you so much.