Today would have been her 23rd birthday.
I called her mom
to tell her I was thinking of her ... I'm always thinking about her. She said thank you
, and that she really appreciated me remembering, and then she got real quiet
and had to get off of the phone.
. It's been just over a year now since my best friend
in the whole fucking world died ... I dreamt about her last night. She was playing volleyball in heaven
in a huge stadium with thousands of screaming, smiling people and kids. She was wearing her college jersey.
Sometimes I think I've moved on, that I've made my peace
and grieved enough
, and that I'm okay with just having her spirit
around ... just having her as my guardian angel
. But then there are days like today when her memory is so intense and her feeling so strong that every time I think about her my eyes well up with tears
and I get this knot in my stomach that just won't go away and it gets hard to breathe
... just like right now.
Damn it, Jen. I miss you so much.