Today would have been her 23rd birthday.
I called her
mom to tell her I was thinking of her ... I'm always thinking about her. She said
thank you, and that she really appreciated me remembering, and then she got real
quiet and had to get off of the phone.
It's
hard. It's been just over a year now since my
best friend in the whole fucking world died ... I dreamt about her last night. She was playing volleyball in
heaven in a huge stadium with thousands of screaming, smiling people and kids. She was wearing her college jersey.
Sometimes I think I've moved on, that I've made my
peace and
grieved enough, and that I'm okay with just having her
spirit around ... just having her as my
guardian angel. But then there are days like today when her memory is so intense and her feeling so strong that every time I think about her my eyes well up with
tears and I get this knot in my stomach that just won't go away and it gets hard to
breathe ... just like right now.
Damn it, Jen. I miss you so much.