A thousand
knives pierce your insides, your heart rips in a million pieces.A feeling similar to a slow, painful,
torturous death, only it's all
psychological.
Losing a friend makes me feel like this. It makes me feel like I'm drowning, like there's no escape. That person you spent so many
wonderful moments with, the person you instilled all your
trust and
hope in, and they are gone. There's nothing that you can do but stare at the
phone and cry. Feeling like
shit perpetually is fun right? I would give anything to have the friends back that I've lost because of my own
selfish stupidity.
I lost my best friend of five years, a girl I've known for my whole life, to that old cliche. That would be a boy. I decided that it would be ok to mess around with her boyfriend, and try to make him mine. Well I did get him, but at the expense of her friendship. I can never get back that trust, and now we only look at each other without speaking, knowing the pain and regret but not being able to touch it with words.
This boy became my friend soon after, and he erased all bad thoughts. I had him for a summer, all to myself, but then then I lost him to change. He didn't want me anymore, and wanted someone else. I tried to ruin his relationship with her and ended up ruining our friendship in the process because I wanted him back.
I'll never regret anything more than losing these two friends. I know I will find new friends, but never ones like these.
At this point in time, I could care less about either of these people. I guess this lack of committment makes me lose all the friends I have?