Warning
morose ex-wife lament below the rule
Damn, damn, damn, damn, DAMN, it's another one of those days. We all have them. Hell, I used to have them for no particular reason. At least now I know why -- painful pangs of longing for my ex-wife.
I need to get over this shit, but I wallow in it still. We've been seperated for more years than we were together now, but I still begin a lot of days wishing she were next to me. It's funny because I used to begin a lot of days wishing she hadn't slept with her piano player. Now though, I just wish she were here.
I try to make it better by telling myself I'm blocking out the bad shit -- telling myself that these are indeed rose-tinted glasses that give me the 20/20 hindsight. And they are.
It doesn't help.
This whole thing is really starting to fuck with me. My confidence is at an all time low, and for a chronic self-loather such as myself that's pretty phrackin low. I'm chicken and egged on the whole thing. Does the low self esteem stem from the loneliness and longing or vice versa?
Ahh, PHRACK! I don't need this shit on a day to day basis. I need to finish up my projects, to stop drinking, to find a date, to pay the bills, to install Redhat 7, to setup CVS, but I do not need to think, indeed to wish, for things that a) are not going to happen and b) would be Bad Things if they did.
trega I need a kick in the ass.