And, just to show that Everything2 is also funnier in Scottish:

Chewse Everythin'! Chewse slackin' an th' jahb! Chewse a lousy career wit' little respons'bility! Chewse a distant fahmily! Chewse a gud usehname, chewse the Jukka t'eme, chewse a BIG FOCKIN' MONITOR, cars wit' E2 bumpeh stickers an' electrical coffee makehs... chewse XP whorin' and wonderin' why the fock yer nodin' on a Sunday mornin! Chewse sittin' in dat swivel chair, readin' mind-numbin', spirit-crushin' writeups, stuffin' junk fewd into yer mout'! Chewse rottin' away at th' end of it all, pissin' yer last in some mis'rable node, noth'n more dan 'n embar'ssment to th' selfish, focked-up nubies EDB spawned t' replace th' M-noders!

Chewse yer future, ye bastards! Chewse Everythin'!