All was well when she thought of me as Angus McTavish, native of Edinburgh
, come to America for riches and fame
. She laughed at my jokes
and adored my idiosyncrasies. But ha!, when it turns out I'm actually Billy McKeage of Sacramento
, then all of a sudden it's "Oh, I can't trust
you any more." The fact that I have vaguely Scottish
ancestry (though I'm mostly Russian
) did not impress her. Suddenly my voice is whiny and nasal.
Let's get some perspective, people: so I faked an accent, so I lied about my job. How many fetching young ladies could I pick up if I admitted in public that I'm not an engineer but a manager at a Bronx McDonald's? Please. And she wore makeup, thinking her deception was acceptable.
Six years of marriage down the drain.