I was cleaning my room today when I found an old breakup letter, about two years old, from a girl I've since come to despise.

I know you shouldn't look back in anger, but I have other women to look back in anger at, and she's still a psycho bitch by comparison.

The letter is pretty straightforward high school breakup material; a surplus of emoting over something that neither of you understands.

So I put the letter in my mouth, chewed it up, and ate it.

In three months of dating this girl, I never once really kissed her. There were pecks on the cheek, but I could never bring myself to make the next step. I was fifteen and I'd kissed girls before, too. I just couldn't. It screwed me up. I stopped dating for a year-and-a-half after she dumped me, wrote crappy songs, and had meaningless crushes on a dozen girls.

The stupid glitter pen she wrote it with is probably giving me stomach cancer right now.