Do you think it's impossible to be friends with someone that you've been close/intimate with? I don't mean intimate in the sense that you fucked them, but in the sense that at one time, one or both of you though you'd be together forever?
My last girl said she's never had an ex stay friends with her. I really tried to do that for her, but it was too difficult. I wanted her back. I told her that and asked questions about the relationship constantly...and eventually she pushed me away. It's mostly my fault for not handling the breakup well, but still...I lost both my lover and my best friend in Cincinnati.
I though back to other relationships. The only one I didn't still talk to was Mindy. We had been close and I wanted no part of her after she broke up with me. It wasn't until four years later when I started talking to her again, and she said we could never be friends; that the best she could do was be civil with me.
I use to talk to Jennifer form high school from time to time. We talked about a lot of things, and she even told me I need to have kids some day because the world is full of idiots and needs more sane people raising kids. But I think back to that and even in those conversations, there was still the echo of how I had hurt her. I wasn't invited to her wedding and I doubt I'd invite her to mine. We were civil, we even talked about deep and important things to us and about other relationships we had, but we'd probably never visit each other or really be friends.
My friend Emily told me she never stayed friends with any of her ex's. Either they went their separate ways or one of the two stayed attached, which wasn't healthy.
I wonder if we get to the point with people we're really close with, that if it doesn't work out, we either see nothing but faults or the relationship became so close that it could never return to where it was without remembering that pain.
It's interesting, as a side note, how your friends will almost always side with you in a breakup. Mutual friends are trickier. The good ones realize there are three sides to the story, and the truth is less relevant than keeping your friends. It really sucks sometimes to lose the other person's friends...the ones you may have really liked.
It was harder with Nora because she was so nice. She had such an overly sunny attitude that no one really disliked her. But still, she was the one who was uncompromising and gave up on the relationship when I had so much more to give.
I actually talk to Brooke a lot from my undergrad. We've hung out a lot and she's helped me deal with the breakup. We're good friends, but I feel like that's because we were never close when we were dating. It was a pretty casual relationship.
Is it possible to stay friends with a close ex-lover?