I went snowboarding yesterday.

Unfortunately, my tailbone fell off.

Then I went skiing.

Adam, Sheena, Mike, and Stacey somehow convinced me to give up my trusted skis and take up an evil snowboard for the day. After taking many minutes of my precious time to carefully bungee cord my skis to the roof of Mike’s car, when we arrived at the ski resort I was talked into renting a snowboard and taking my chances on the bunny hill.

The rope tow was the biggest challenge. After a lifetime of skiing, trying to face forward while the rest of me is facing sideways just felt wonky, and I was prone to try and correct my twisted stance and, for my trouble, landing on my afore mentioned tailbone. In the midst of tiny children wearing crash helmets speeding down an almost flat hill, I was heard squeaking such lines as “Ah! My bum!” and “Fuck me, that hurt!”

About a half hour after the pain began, I enrolled in a beginner’s lesson for snowboarders from the Pfizer party. There was a class of about ten or so. Sheena and Stacey joined me. As we were heading up the hill for our first practice run, another instructor took us three aside and said he’d give us some personal help. I thought ”wow, we must be pretty bad.” But as it turned out, he was just a horny teenager who wanted to talk about smoking weed and having sex. We indulged him in most of his questions, exchanging amused looks over his head. It was interesting.

I later switched to my skis, reveling in the familiar tightness of the boots and the sure handhold on each pole as opposed to thin air. Took a few runs with Mike while Adam and Sheena fought in the lodge. Stacey was spent, so she volunteered to be the audience for Mike and I. We left around 7:30pm and made the long trip to the nearest McDonalds to refuel after a day’s worth of strenuous, painful exercise.

The ride home went fast. Mike smoked two bowls by his lonesome self - everyone else had had enough by that point of the day. Sheena and I were the only two who withheld from that particular activity throughout the adventure. I don’t trust my brain to function properly in a life and death situation such as snowboarding on ice and skiing down black diamonds. No thanks.

I called Aaron as soon as I got home. We talked for a bit, and then I went to bed. I slept with an ice pack on my ass. It was cold, but numbness is better than pain.

Today was uneventful. Went to Subway for lunch and had my usual six inch-turkey on-wheat-with-just-tomatoes-and-lettuce, yes-I’m positive-I don’t want anything else Mrs. Sandwich-Maker-lady.

Now I am home with a tremendous craving for Milk Duds or chocolate covered something. I was too lazy to stop at the gas station and pick some up. Now I am paying the price. My stomach shall not be satisfied with anything less than gratuitous sugar and never-ending fat. I’m surprised I can still fit into my clothes these days.