Last night I watched "The Cider House Rules
".. I hate when I get teary-eyed during movies.
I spoke with Bradley
. That made me really happy, but sad all the same. Tis not his fault, it's just the circumstances
. I spoke to quite a few other people also. The coincidences
in this life, really don't astound me anymore.
Somewhere in the middle.. my insecurities, issues, intellect, and perception have to meet. I think that is what they are doing now. I have had a better grasp on things as of lately. Partly due to a firm kick in the head I gave myself. I can't keep letting things overwhelm me. I guess the crappiest part of that is, I know I am not weak.. but I give in too often.. For a while I had lost the energy to fight back. It's not that I didn't care.. I just didn't feel as if I had it in me.
I wrote a really hard letter yesterday.. it wasn't hard to right.. just the right words were hard to find. I still don't know if I found them.
Sometimes I feel as if I am deceiving myself.. this world I am trying to build around me built on the absolute truth. Is there such a thing? I mean, after a certain point.. is there just truth of perception? 2+2=4, for me.. but who knows what is like from the other side. That is probably a bad analogy, since mathematics is black and white.. but it's the best analogy I can come up with this second.
With as much as I try to understand the perception of others
, I never seem to be accurate with how I am perceived.
This bothers me. I often catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror
, and wonder if I saw myself, or heard myself speaking.. How I would perceive that person? What snap judgements
would I make, what would I just assume until proven wrong?