I wish you could step back from that ledge my friend

Today marks the first time that music has profoundly affected my mood. KLLC is a radio station out of San Francisco that plays music from the 1990s forward. It's great because you can go from hearing an older Dave Matthews song to the newest release from Green Day. On my drive home today, Third Eye Blind's Jumper came on.

You could cut ties with all the lies that you've been living in

This brought back a lot of memories related to an ex-girlfriend. Jumper wasn't our song, but it probably should have been. We were both angry at life, mentally unstable, and we thought that since we had similar problems we'd be good for one another. We were wrong. Very wrong. She was a cutter, and I was so thin that some days I couldn't do the things I wanted to do.

And if you do not want to see me again I would understand

We both blamed ourselves for everything, and it became routine for us to bitch about our respective families, schoolwork, counseling sessions, etc. It was good to be able to vent to somebody that understood things. Counseling was necessary, but that didn't mean I had to like it, and she got that because she was there, too. I didn't want to eat, and she didn't always want to be alive. Our problems weren't exactly the same, but we could relate.

I would understand

I don't remember many specifics about the boyfriend-girlfriend aspect of our relationship, but I miss the girl I could vent with while we illegally drank the cheapest beer we could find and played Dr. Mario on my NES. I'm glad we broke up, but I wish we'd been able to stay friends. I could use a drinking buddy, and she could always use support. Today, for the first time in over a year, I wondered how she's doing and where she's at. I want to know what happened to her after we split up. I want to know she's okay. But most of all I want to bitch, drink cheap beer, and play Dr. Mario.