This has been a mixed-up day for me. I got all of my work done in the first half of my day, so it left me with the second half to surf around and think about stuff
This is the week we get paid, so I know a bunch of us will probably wind up at the strip club for lunch on Friday. I was thinking about going to see Kawana tomrrow, but since she is only there during my work hours, I would have to get into work late to go visit. I was thinking about asking her on Friday to come along with me to our company's Christmas party, but I want to make sure she'll be there on Friday. The only way I can think to do that is to go there tomorrow (when I know she's working) and find out if she'll be there on Friday.
Everyone at work is strongly encouraging me to ask her. They're telling me that it's not a big deal to ask, but for me it is. I've never asked a girl out to any kind of event before, let alone one as beautiful and sweet as Kawana. One of my co-workers tells me that if I can ask her to dance naked for me, then it shouldn't be much of a deal to ask her to come along on a social event. I don't know what's wrong with me sometimes, I agree that it shouldn't be a big deal, but I get shaky now just thinking about it.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do tomorrow yet. I've thought about it for a long time today, and I think that I need to do it because I need to prove to myself that I can be more agressive. "Do one thing every day that scares you." Well this has got me pretty scared. I'm such a wimp :) Besides, I may later regret never having asked, and I'm pretty set up for a let down, so no matter what happens, it can't go all that bad.
I've gotta do this. I want there to be no more regrets in my life. I need to live for it now, because when I'm 40 I'll have really been sorry I didn't. Even if she turns me down, at least I tried, and I won't have spent that time wondering what would have happened.
Why do I always feel like I'm being so pathetic when I write about her?
My co-workers really know how to cheer me up. They hung around for quite a while after work, when they could have gone home, and helped to encourage me to feel better about myself, and to help me ratonalize away my social anxieties. I really appreciate their time and efforts, and especially how they have been helping me to break out of my shell. I hope that I can somehow fully repay their kindness.