this is what scares me:

it is sunny and cloudy and cold but i'm warm. i'm sad but i've never felt so content with my existence, i'm lonely and i'm in love and he's far but i always feel him beside me telling me to listen to somethin' with more musical merit or to try to forget that the universe feels so crushing sometimes.

it scares me because it's happening all at the same time and when you're in the city it's easy to forget calm and nothingness, but here, you can think and remember everything so how is my head to keep up with it all?

do i want to write. i keep asking myself this. do i want to paint? (i wish i could paint, i know that much.) i am an artist of some sort, i think i've figured that much out. this scares me too because there seems to be so little room for any sort of artist in the world.

i wrote a node and a softlink told me to shut up and this is my response to that because i feel things like that really do need a response (not an angry one probably):

i can't. does that at least make sense to you? it hurts too much to just stop and if you understood ANYTHING i was saying then you would know that i needed to write that. i am not angry with you, except in that you were so quick to judge something you can't possibly understand. fall in love with the world, have too many thoughts at once, so many it feels like being smushed out of your own life, and then, try telling me to shut up.