I love Polos, they taste damn good. Unfortunately, they are obviously a corporate conspiracy to take over the world!

Look at them, they started off all sweet and innocent. We’re just tasty little mints with bits missing from us they said. But then they expanded! Subtly at first, there were mini Polos that had not grown to their full size. Then came the unholy monstrosity created by Satan. They began selling Polo Fruits! May the Lord protect us…

Polo dropped all pretences of just wanting to be a regular mint company at this point by releasing Polo Gummies. What!? Sqidgy Polos?! The end is nigh, repent all ye sinners that hath allowed thyself to stray unto other mints! Polo cometh to sow Armageddon amongst thee!. This was only the beginning of their plan for World Domination. In quick succession Polo brought out strike teams to crush the opposition: Citrus Sharps and Butter Ups. Slowly the concealed mind control drugs leaked into the brains of consumers like a virus (Unless you coated yourself in aluminium foil of course).

Soon Polo will be in control of every government in the world. It is then that they will strike with their ultimate weapon: Polo Meal Replacement Sweets. These mind controlling sweets will be taken in place of every meal, forcing you to give your whole life over to the glory of the mint with a hole.

That is my problem with Polos

/piss take

When I saw this node, I thought you meant Polos rather than polos. In England, a polo is a mint with a hole in the middle. I believe they are known as Lifesavers in America. Over here polos must be referred to as polo shirts or everyone will think you are talking about a hard mint flavoured sweet.

To all those who pointed out Polo fruits have been around for ages: I've changed the writeup, here are some release of the Polo range to keep things factual:

  • Fruits 1953
  • Gummies 1997
  • Butter Ups 12/07/99
  • Citrus Sharp 12/07/99
  • Holes April 2003