My cat is sitting on my lap. I assume she's dreaming, her little paws are twitching and she's making low sort of grunty noises. I've called in sick to work today, with a terribly legitimate reason.

I'm horribly constipated. Like, two weeks worth. I've tried various remedies (including of course, lots of fiber) to no avail. I called my doctor and he told me to go and eat some Colace and Metamucil, avoid the Ex-Lax, and call him again if I start to get seriously nauseous or start to vomit. I told him I've already lost five pounds and I feel awful, I have nicknamed myself bloat the goat.

I hope this ends soon. At least the cat is having a good day.