I just handed in the last exam of my undergraduate career, and I feel oddly empty. Like I should feel like I've accomplished something, but I don't.
I felt like I'd accomplished something when I finally handed in a more or less complete draft of my thesis on Wednesday. I felt like I'd accomplished something when I went to pick up the cap and gown I'll wear at Commencement. Even printing out, copying and spiral-binding a few copies of my thesis by hand felt like an accomplishment, even though I didn't print it out correctly so now the margins are going to be weird on the final bookbound version, but it's just too bad, since the server went down and I didn't have a chance to print again.
But then I tried to get the source files for the thesis to the math department's thesis coordinator (my advisor, whom I admire more than almost anyone in the world; see earlier daylogs for a rant about how cool she is) and it took a really long time and then it was 4 when I was finally done and I was supposed to be at a linguistics department party (partly to hand in my last phonetics paper, which wasn't done) and somehow take my ecology final and finish my psych topics in gender and sexuality paper before 5. Hyperventilating with stress, I emailed what I had of the psych paper (no list of sources, much less references in its text), added a few sentences to my rampantly incomplete phonetics paper, and tried to call my ecology prof to apologize and say I'd have the test in as soon as I could, but ended up sending him email instead, and decided there was no way I was going to study for and finish the two-hour takehome test without missing the ling party and maybe the math department's celebration for seniors as well.
Skating to the ling department party instead of taking the ecology final was surprisingly hard (plus it felt like I hit every crack in the sidewalk and pothole on the way), but things started getting better once I arrived. I got a "cool senior" prize and my very own copy of The Origin of Language, plus general good vibes and love. At 6 I got a ride to the math department's party, which involved yummy grilled salmon, homemade ice cream with fresh strawberries, and copious amounts of champagne (real champagne, not the California sparkling wine served at the college president's reception for graduating seniors, which I ditched to go to the ling party). After all that I was finally starting to feel like life was ok after all, especially when I got back to my room to find a message from my ecology prof saying "Ok! Hang in there....", at which point I chose to do a little yoga and sleep.
So this morning I got up slowly, studied for and took my ecology final by noon, and it went really well, leaving only a two-hour gender and sexuality final between me and being allowed to walk at Commencement (I'll be finishing one last class off-campus in the fall). I decided to take it during a mega-croquet game organized by my friend Chris. He'd set up a giant L-shaped course using the wickets from three sets and invited some twenty people to play (about a dozen ended up sticking around). Between turns, I finished the test, and I just went down to hand it in. And now I'm done. And I feel weird. That's all. I can almost feel myself suppressing my emotions about this, and I'm wondering when the reality of this'll hit me. I think I'd better go let myself cry soon. Yeah.
Unlike most of my daylogs, this is almost exactly what I would've written in my paper journal if I'd had it at hand. I apologized for its incoherencies and inconsistencies and most of all for any upvotes it received upon submitting it, but since I didn't ask to have it deleted in a fit of embarrassment shortly thereafter, I'll be letting this live.