I come home at 2 am, out watching an awesome band play at one of the local bars, and find several things immediately amiss at my house.

  1. There are police cars everywhere.
  2. Our shrubbery has been pulled up and thrown on our porch
  3. I enter and am greeted by my roommate's girlfriend in hysterics and ready to brain me with a broom handle.

"What the hell is going on?" I ask myself, but apparently out loud. So she fills me in on what's happened. Some small army (about six) of asshole jocks from one of the local colleges decided (apparantly at random) to break into our apartment and try to steal my motorcycle helmet and riding gloves.

So my roommate chased them down and got my gear back, but they threatened various forms of dismemberment and then left. He called the police who arrested the guy and almost arrested his friends. While my roommate was going with the cop to make a statement one of the guys was like "We know where you live", and stared him down. The guy also uprooted our bushes and deposited them on our front steps.

Now's the fun part. We have to live under siege until we can get the hell out of this damn apartment. It's targeted as student housing, but it was the only thing left, so we took it. The problem is it's run by the most notorious slumlord in town, and he does the bare minimum needed to stay out of jail, and other than that he's content to screw his tenants any and every way possible. He knows that so long as it's better than living in a dorm he can pump money out of these students month after month. The funny thing is we had a higher quality of life when we lived right next door to the projects. Our neighbors would mind their own business and if they needed to blow off steam they'd go after big business and the man, not after their neighbors.

I would like to be able to kick each one of those assholes in the nuts with my steel-toed boots for the hassle they caused me this weekend.